Specific Achievements On A Political Flyer--What A Concept!

Photo By John Hoff

Since I wrote about Natalie Johnson-Lee's flyer, which "showed up" in my hands a while ago, click here, and I also wrote about Lennie Chism's crude attempt at a flyer, click here, I thought it would be a good idea to write about a political flyer that came into my hands from the Don Samuels camp.

Actually, the way it happened, Don Samuels kindly loaned his van to a neighbor who needed to move furniture, and I helped with the move, and (oh gee) one of the flyers was in the van. So I was all, like, score. This is my flyer, now, for blogging purposes.

I'm told Samuels has more than one flyer, but the flyer I obtained is current enough to be considered a Samuels flyer. It has more specific content than the flyers of Natalie Johnson-Lee and Lennie Chism COMBINED. What a shame I don't have flyers from Kenya McKnight and Roger Smithrud.

First and foremost, Don Samuels is a labor endorsed candidate and so his flyer says "Labor Endorsed" and has (oh gee!) a union print shop emblem. There's really no rule that says ONLY a labor endorsed candidate can get what's called a "union bug" on their flyer. Heck, anybody who orders stuff at a union print shop can request one of the emblems to appear on the flyer. So you have to wonder...

Why Natalie Johnson-Lee, who mentions being friendly to labor, can't be bothered with the nicities of using a union print shop? It makes more sense with Lennie Chism because his amatuerish junk appears to be produced on a color photocopier plus you have to wonder if his fast-talking entreprenuerial outlook is pro-union or just pro-Lennie.

Reading Don Samuels' flyer is a little bit of an education in some of the key events happening the last few years in North Minneapolis.

JOBS AND DEVELOPMENT:

# Broadway Plaza--a $70 million project that will jump start the revitalization of West Broadway.

# YWCA--the largest in the nation--will anchor the Plaza.

# Coloplast Headquarters--600 Northside jobs!

# University of Minnesota Urban Research Engagement and Outreach Center.

# Standard Heating--80 new jobs.

RENOVATION AND REVITALIZATION

# Revitalization of the North Regional Library

# YMCA--newly renovated and dedicated exclusively to our youth.

# Over $70 million directed to North Minneapolis to respond to the foreclosure crisis.

# Slumlords Accountability Program--revoking licenses of problem slumlords.

# West Broadway Alive--revitalizing North Minneapolis' Main Street

# Washington Boulevard Plan--making Washington Avenue into a grand, pedestrian friendly boulevard.

PUBLIC SAFETY

# 28 percent decrease in violent crimes and over 40 percent reduction in youth violence.

# 35 percent drop in homicide since 2006 and only five homicides citywide through June 2009.

# Authored anti-loitering ordinance to help remove drug dealers from our streets.

# Grocery Store Task Force--closed Big Stop, Uncle Bills and Wafanas, stores which together generated 2,500 calls to 911 per year.

# Helped steer the entire Police Technology Budget (over $1.3 million) to North Minneapolis.

# Acquired "shot spotter" with an integrated camera system--in these monitored areas, crime has fallen 63 percent.

(End of text from the back of the flyer)

(JNS editorial note: the flyer says "Uncle Bills" and "Wafanas." I prefer to use a possessive apostrophe with these names, however, I have seen the names written both ways in the mass media)

The front of the flyer features Don's message to his constituents, as follows:

Friends and Neighbors,

Collaboration and accessibility has been a guiding principal of my public service. Together we have sent the message tht the 5th Ward and its needs will not be ignored. As your Council Member I have built strong public/private partnerships that have brought significant resources to our community. Six years later, these collaborations are transforming our community, and we can see the positive changes in our neighborhoods.

I look forward to continuing to keep 5th Ward residents at the forefront of the City's agenda. With your support this election, I promise that I will continue to be a strong voice for us all.

http://www.donsamuels.com/

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"Uncle" Lennie Chism Puts Out Crude, Cartoony, Semi-Republican Campaign Flyer In Ward Five...

Photo By John Hoff, top, Flickr.com photo, bottom

Tonight I had a chance to see one of Lennie Chism's new campaign flyers and, oh my word, what a mess. Where to begin?

First of all, the flyer contains no issues or statements about anything substantive. Instead, it's just smiling Lennie in a suit with some odd little decorative emblem thingie reminiscent of the campaign literature put out by Republican Presidential Candidate John McCain. I've put the two flyers side by side so readers can compare and see what I'm referencing. Note the little emblem above the word "Vote" in Lennie's flyer and compare with the emblem above the words "Service To America" in McCain's flyer.

Gee, Lennie, we all thought you were DFL? But whatever. Lennie's campaign literature, like that of "labor friendly" Natalie Johnson-Lee, doesn't contain any union print shop markings. In fact, it seems to have been produced on...

...a color photocopier. The paper is cheap and glossy. Like Lennie in a suit. All flash, no cash.

The back of the flyer--which I'm not showing here, yet, because it's just so crude it falls below the already low standards of the blogosphere--depicts Don Samuels as a puppet whose strings are being manipulated by Jackie Cherryhomes. The cartoon is so badly done it's hard to tell who the people are being depicted, since it shows an old photo of Samuels with a mustache and Cherryhomes looks oddly like Hilary Clinton.

And, again, the flyer doesn't list any ISSUES. But does Lennie have ISSUES? Oh, clearly he does. Oddly enough, the make-believe blog character of Chipper The Entrepreneurial Squirrel has managed to articulate more specific and substantive issues than Lennie. Which is OK, because Chipper's just trying to beat Lennie, anyway.

Well, and Smithrud. A garden gnome could beat Smithrud.

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What's Better Than Calling 311? Calling 311 AGAIN! (And Again, And Again, And Again...)

Photo By John Hoff

In the middle of June I wrote about how I called 311 about a building along the light rail route, covered in graffiti. Well, I'm pleased to report that months after the building was the subject of 311 Report 264479, the graffiti was painted over. Unfortunately...

The building was hit with new graffiti before I even saw what it looked like all cleaned up.

But that's OK. Now when I contact 311 I have a handy reference number. Some buildings I have to report over and over. There's a building at 510 Cedar Ave. that I've called in, like, 10 times. It keeps getting hit by graffiti and I keep calling it in. I never grow weary of this exercise, no more than one might grow weary of cutting grass.

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3035 6th Street N. To Be Demolished, New Project Will Feature Geothermal Alternative Energy...

Photo By John Hoff

At a recent meeting of the Hawthorne Housing Committee, Kevin Gulden of PPL announced plans for 3035 6th St. N., a long-vacant house so full of dry rot you can smell it from the front porch. It is often referred to as "the green house" and reportedly used to be quite a hotbed of gang activity.

Gang members would congregate on the steeply sloping front lawn all day, heavily involved in the drug dealing which took place at 3101 6th St. N., the "Apartment Complex of Anarchy." That building was demolished, however. Now crime has dropped to virtually nothing in the Eco Village area in the wake of numerous demolitions of crappy properties, which were heavily clustered in that area.

According to information distributed at the public meeting by Kevin Gulden...

New homes will be built at 3035 6th St. N. (following demolition of the "green house" currently there, rotting away) and at 400 31st. Ave. N., a property which was the subject of controversy and legal wrangling. The new construction will be certified LEED for HOMES GOLD. The appraised value/purchase price will be $140,000.

The new home at 3035 6th St. N. will have geothermal energy which uses the "temperature differential" between the ground and air. No other home in the Eco Village--not even the future "MinniAppleseed House"--has geothermal energy.

During the meeting, PPL was seeking $10,000 in Hawthorne NRP funds per home for a total of $20,000. Additional funding will come from Northside Home Fund, Minnesota Housing Finance Agency, and the Home Depot Foundation. The request for funding was approved by the Housing Committee and so will move forward to the Executive Board.

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Chipper The Entrepreneurial Squirrel Running As A Write-In In Ward 5, Announces First Campaign Issue: Decorative Address Letters Not Sharpie Marker...

Photo By RUN! BROOM!

Chipper The Entrepreneurial Squirrel, who first came to the attention of this blog due to his involvement with the old "Uncle Bill's" store purchased by Lennie Chism, sent me a press release written on the back of several snack food wrappers announcing his write-in campaign for City Council Squirrel in Ward 5. In tiny letters penciled, rather neatly, on the back of an "Almond Joy" wrapper, Chipper says as follows...

OK, yeah, I'm running and there's not even a car behind me, ha ha.

But seriously, I know I can't win because I don't meet some of the basic criteria for a Ward Five City Councilman, like being a member of the human species. But I'm hoping that if I can get a good number of write-in votes and draw attention to myself, these rules can evolve and I will be allowed to take office as Ward Five City Council Squirrel.

My plan is to get more votes than Lennie Chism. Everybody is talking about how the...

(Next candy bar wrapper, Snickers)

...votes will break down in Ward 5. Here's my prediction: Don Samuels, 55 percent, Kenya McNight, 20 percent, Natalie Johnson Lee, 19 percent, and after that with minor numbers of votes: Smithrud, Chipper The Entrepreneurial Squirrel, and Lennie Chism.

I want to emphasize that it's not personal against Lennie. In fact, I do business with the guy and I'm very eager to do business with him later in the fall, when he will own a VERY LARGE HOLE IN THE GROUND right during prime nut hiding season. But I believe I'm the better candidate because...

(Next wrapper, Doritos Cool Ranch)

Well, even I could see buying the old Uncle Bill's store to make it into an Uncle Lennie's was A CRAZY IDEA. And now when he should be scrambling to get financing to fix it up, he's running for city council as well? This is like being in the middle of the street trying to watch two speeding cars on opposite sides of you, with both your little googly eyes! Even I know better than that. Sorry Lennie. But very excited about the hole!

As for myself, I'm kind of a "little picture guy." I'm too small and low to the ground to see the big picture, but I see the little pieces very well. So I'm going to run on some of the little issues that would usually get neglected in a political campaign that's all about "vision" and "future" and "can somebody please replace my Don Samuels yard sign that got stolen AGAIN?" For the record, squirrels are clean animals and I'm going to run a clean campaign. I would never steal anybody's Blackberry device and I understand that, despite the name, these devices are not good to eat.

(Next wrapper, Flaming Hot Cheetos)

My one campaign issue at this point--and I don't know, maybe I'll find more issues later. It's not like they grow on trees like acorns. My one issue is address letters on residential and commercial buildings. I think buildings should have NICE letters, maybe of polished wood so they look like delicious nuts that give you knowledge of where you are instead of giving you a snack.

Buildings that have addresses made from stick-on letters or Sharpie Marker (like Keith Reitman's building on the 1400 block of West Broadway) just look tacky and don't promote economic development. For the record, I think Keith Reitman should be free to write on his building if he likes. If he wrote "Vote For The Squirrel" I'd be happy. Let me emphasize I'm still quite willing to do business with Keith Reitman, who has A LOT OF PROPERTY, like maybe a million dollars worth, even though he no longer owns 1564 Hillside Ave. N., which has very nice trees!

So I think Reitman could easily afford some address letters that cost, like, a buck apiece. Here's a picture I took at Home Depot before they chased after me with a broom.

(Next wrapper, microwave popcorn bag)

Also, Sharpie markers are just yucky. Like, if you find one in a pile of leaves you might think it looks like some sort of special human treat, like a Pez Dispenser or Push Up bar. But it's not. Sharpies taste really yucky. Don't put one in your mouth. I'm just warning you.

In conclusion, remember, this is ranked choice voting so you can have your cake and vote for a squirrel, too! Some of my other squirrel friends might run for office, as well, but remember to make Chipper The Entrepreneurial Squirrel YOUR FIRST CHOICE on Tuesday, November 3, 2009. Show up and vote for CHIPPER THE ENTREPRENEURIAL SQUIRREL.

Rah. Ch-ch-cheer!

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Eastbound And Down, Loaded Up And Trucking...All Roads Lead Right Back To NoMi...(Part Two Of Four)

All Photos In This Post By John Hoff

I thought it would be a good time to talk more about my trip out of town and how--while it's fun to travel--the real adventure is home ownership and turning my neighborhood around. I'm constantly telling friends in their 20s that home ownership doesn't TIE YOU DOWN. Rather, it frees you because you have a base of stability to strike out from, seeking various economic and travel opportunities made possible by--oh gee--having equity instead of being a RENT SLAVE.

I'm just saying.

The picture at the top of the post is...

...to state, once again, that I only take "micro vacations" when I have a moment of my own time in the course of paid work for my employer, driving a truck. The vast majority of my day looks like this: trying to keep it between the lines, hour upon hour, but no more than the number of hours allowed.

But when you travel--even in the course of hard work--you see things you've never seen before like a magnolia tree, or retired racehorses living large on Kentucky bluegrass behind 3-rail, creosote dipped fence posts. When you eat somewhere, you can pull in someplace local and order something unique, almost like a tourist.

So here's something I saw in a small town in Illinois (I think) while I was waiting at a railway crossing. It's an old caboose and it's BLUE. When I was a kid in rural Minnesota, trains still had cabooses--it's complicated why they usually DON'T have them anymore, check out this informative article from Wikipedia, click here--and I'd heard the legend of cabooses that were BLUE. I don't think I'd ever seen one before, ever. A few that weren't RED, but BLUE? No, never. Maybe in the dark we once THOUGHT we saw one, but who can tell in the dark?

Anyway, I had my camera handy in the cab, so I snapped this photo:



Later I was driving along and I saw a prison. I think I saw a total of three prisons on my trip, maybe four. When I drive by I wonder if there are prisoners inside who spend long periods of time looking out the window, watching the vehicles go past, envying my freedom...like that song Folsom Prison Blues, when Johnny Cash sings about the train going by and how "They're probably drinking coffee and smoking big cigars."  



Here's a picture of something that always bothers me when I'm driving: a motorcycle, right in front of me. I am a fanatic about maintaining a safe following distance. I'm always thinking about some scenario where a tire blows or something malfunctions on the vehicle ahead, and it slows down rapidly. What's a fender bender in a car or truck is DEATH OR PERMANENT INJURY on a motorcycle. I swear, I don't even know why people drive them. Seriously. They were fine for soldiers to carry messages in World War One and risk their life in the endeavor, but after that...just a bad idea.

There, I said it.

I have a little verbal talisman I say whenever a motorcycle is in front of me: GET OFF MY FRONT BUMPER YOU BUZZING INSECT!!! 

When I say these words, I never have an accident with the motorcycle.

Try it. It works.



This last photo shows signs that are placed at some rest stops reminding commercial drivers about the limits on the number of hourssss allowwwwwed on.........

DRIVING!!!!

Geez, nodded off for a second, there. Good thing the truck knows the way.

No, seriously, I always stay within my allotted hours of driving and get enough sleep.



Oh, one more thing about the photo at the very top of the post: Illinois has the WORST ROADS and the MOST TOLLS. You can literally see the state line because there's a row of potholes right there, just before you get to the Welcome To Illinois sign to let you know you've OFFICIALLY arrived.

And, for the record, Abraham Lincoln was born in KENTUCKY. True fact. So when the signs in Illinois say "Land of Lincoln," well, that's not entirely true, either, but I'm sure they're finding a way to charge you a toll for the billboard.

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JNS BLOG EXCLUSIVE: Non-Fatal Police Motorcycle Crash In Bloomington...

Photos By John Hoff

So I just happened to be in Bloomington on Thursday and I witnessed some of the aftermath of a police-involved motorcycle crash reported extensively in the mainstream media, including this coverage from Fox 9, click here.

None of the articles I read had very good images of the aftermath including the position of the two cycles, so this can be one of the many times the blogosphere fills in the gritty details...though admittedly this incident has nothing to do with North Minneapolis.

To answer a question I'm sure would arise from one of the photos: yeah, that red stuff on the ground sure did look like blood to me. Yes.

(Do not click "Read More")

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NoMi Wins Again! This Time At ACME Comedy Company Amatuer Night...

Photos By John Hoff

Fresh off Officer Mark Klukow's victory in the One Man Minneapolis "man pageant," the most rapidly-changing and revitalizing neighborhood in the Twin Cities has racked up another small victory: On Tuesday, September 1, a comedian from North Minneapolis won amatuer night at the ACME Comedy Company in North Loop...

Brandi (first name only, per her request) beat out four other contenders to win amatuer night. Some of Brandi's jokes included a funny bit about how even tornadoes avoid Interstate 35 and prefer to take a different route. Brandy's mother was in the audience while Brandi joked about being born by C-section because she couldn't be bothered to show up at her own vaginal birth. NOW THAT WAS FUNNY!!!

(Brandi's mother apparently didn't think so. Talk about PRESSURE for the young comedian!)

Brandi is pictured above with her friend Connie Nompelis (pronounced No-bell-iss, it's Greek). In the second picture, the "infamous $8 carafe" featured on the beverage menu, which can be filled up with an assortment of various drinks. The third picture shows Nompelis with one of the headliners for the night, whose routine about a Nazi-run wallpaper store ("Wallpaper NOW") was laugh-out-loud, screamingly funny.

ACME Comedy Company--whose name suggests the "funny in a box" moments in Loony Toons cartoons, like Wily Coyote or Yosemite Sam ordering nefarious "ACME" devices to attempt to kill or capture the Road Runner or Bugs Bunny--has a great selection of drinks which does wonders to make EVERYTHING funnier. (Of course, it's already pretty funny) I was quite focused in my bloggy exploration of the drink menu, so I can tell you the following with certainty:

# Featured drinks include the Bob Hope, (Captain Morgan Parrot Bay Coconut Rum, Blue Curacao, pineapple juice and orange juice) Three Stooges Punch, the Mae West and the John Daly.

# There are 11 white wines, ranging from $8.25 a glass, $28 a bottle (Chardonnay, BV Signet, California) to several at $5.25 a glass.

# Red wine--forgot how many--but ranges from $9.25 a glass, $34 a bottle for Zinfandel Edmeades to $5.25 a glass, $18 a bottle.

# There are 3 kinds of champagne, 9 tape beers, and 10 bottle beers. But the definition of "bottle beer" is broad enough to include Mike's Hard Lemonade and Hard Core Cider.

(Geez, never tried that last one...want to try that...)

# For some unknown reason, the menu has quite an emphasis on scotch. There are 12 kinds of scotch, including $12 Lagavulin.

ACME Comedy Club isn't very far from Local D'Lish, a great place to get organic and local products and it's run by a resident of Jordan, Ann Yin. A couple days ago a friend of mine used some organic catnip purchased at Local D'Lish to get her cats high while we were lit up from a night of partying at Donny Dirk'sombie Den. Yeah, more on that later.

But in summary: ACME Comedy Club is a good time. Go there.

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Fall Home Projects: Clean gutters, Insulate Pipes, Make My House a PEACE House

Image from CityPeace.org


by Jordan Neighbor
JNS Guest Blogger

Well, Johnny Northside is at Hawthorne neighborhood meeting, so that counts as "being away," right? So here I am guest blogging again, and multi-tasking while making my fall home to-do list.

I recently learned about a cool way I can use my house as a tool of PEACE and revitalization for my community. I'm going to Make My House a PEACE House.

I came across this on the PEACE Foundation website the other day. See, I went to the site to get the details on this year's event of all events, the PEACE Ball. Be there or be square, more on that later.

The website doesn't give specifics on what it means or what is involved in being a PEACE House. It does say take leadership on my own block to help build community. So I imagine being a PEACE House is whatever I make it to be, no requirements, no defined expectations. (isn't that the perfect way to contribute to my community?!)

I will get a static sticker to put in the front window that looks like the picture above, here. Sort of like the McGruff House signs, I guess this is like the local, homegrown version of a McGruff House.

I'll take a picture and show it here later and if you become a PEACE House, too, snap a pic and send it in to JNS International Headquarters for publication here on the blog.

Do Not Click "Read More" but Do Make Your House a PEACE House

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Don Samuels Versus Four Angry Political Midgets In An IRV World...

Stock Photo By John Hoff

Instant runoff voting throws some new and interesting twists into this November's city council race, and some political commentators seem to think the Fifth Ward City Council race will be impacted. Personally, I see the race as "Don Samuels Versus Four Angry Political Midgets" and I don't think IRV will be a factor. None of the people opposing Don Samuels is particularly impressive, individually or collectively. More on that in a bit.

However, trying to anticipate exactly how IRV will impact the race has been a vague mental exercise. Until today, that is. Hawthorne's Housing Director, Jeff Skrenes, is extremely good with arcane numerical crap. This is a guy who calculates the exact percentage he saved on his grocery store purchases by using coupons. So Jeff came up with some specific scenarios of how IRV might impact the Fifth Ward Race, as follows...

(These words are from Jeff Skrenes, verbatim)

Here's my understanding of how IRV would work.

Let's say that nobody gets 50% plus one (and that's one vote, not one percent) on the first ballot. In this hypothetical situation, the votes break down this way:

Don Samuels 40%
Kenya McKnight 20%
Natalie Johnson Lee 15%
Lennie Chism 14%
Roger Smithrud 11%

I realize this may be generous to one or more of the challengers here (or some may think I'm being generous to Samuels) but I'm illustrating a point.

In this case, nobody got 50% + 1, so Smithrud is eliminated. Everybody who voted for him as their first choice now has their ballots re-examined. If they voted for a second candidate, then their second choice gets the votes when the ballots are counted again. And everybody's first choice besides the eliminated candidate remains the same.

So if every single Smithrud supporter voted for Samuels as their second choice, then the tally on the second round would look like this:

Samuels 51%
McKnight 20%
Johnson Lee 15%
Chism 14%

And Samuels would be declared the winner.

But let's assume that Smithrud's votes are evenly distributed among all candidates. It would then look roughly like this:

Samuels 43%
McKnight 23%
Johnson Lee 18%
Chism 17%

Then Chism would be eliminated, and all of the voters who voted for him would have their second choice counted in the third round. Likewise, anyone who voted for Smithrud as their first choice and Chism as their second choice would have their third choice counted. This process would repeat itself until someone received 50% + 1 votes.

From a political calculus standpoint, the DFL-endorsed incumbent in a DFL-leaning city and district has a head start in terms of votes. But regardless, the system still favors whoever starts out with the most votes.

IRV could help a challenger to Samuels if there are two candidates who finish very strong and everyone else is far behind. Then it doesn't take too many votes to put the second-place finisher over the top.

In an election with more than two candidates, IRV could help third (and fourth) (and fifth) candidates garner more votes. Someone could say, "I don't support Samuels, and I really want Lennie Chism to win, but I think Kenya McKnight is the more viable contender." So they would vote for Lennie as their first choice, and Kenya as the second choice, knowing that if/when Lennie is eliminated, they didn't "waste" a vote by voting for their favorite candidate. What seems more likely, however, is that the candidate with the most votes after the first round will get enough of the second and third choice votes as other candidates are eliminated.

Here's another fun possibility: since there are five candidates, it is at least remotely possible that the bottom three vote-getters will split enough amongst themselves that the top two candidates still do not have a simple majority. So let's say that every single Johnson, Chism, and Smithrud supporter voted ONLY for Johnson, Chism, or Smithrud as their top choices, and neither Samuels nor McKnight won a 50% + 1 tally. I THINK at that point, the person with the most total votes would win, but I'd have to check for sure.

Well, this wasn't as fun as, say, explaining the intricacies of how to calculate a prepayment penalty on an ARM loan indexed to the LIBOR rate, but it did get pretty geeky.

(End of explanation by Jeff Skrenes)

Thanks Jeff. Intricacies of IRV aside, there are only two choices in this race: Don Samuels or the angry wannabes, what I call the "four political midgets." (Jeff is not responsible for the following analysis)

ANGRY MIDGET NUMBER ONE: Natalie Johnson-Lee was involved in one of the nastiest, dirtiest campaigns in the history of the City of Minneapolis and yet still couldn't beat Don Samuels in what used to be her own ward before redistricting. She jumped in at the last minute and--to make matters more confusing--her old campaign manager, Jerry Moore, now appears to be associated with Kenya McKnight. (Click here for some documentation of that)

I'm told on good authority that Johnson-Lee used to have Mary Kay and Tupperware parties in her council office and would sit and pay her bills while on the city council dais. Well, one can't fault the last part too much. Certain members of the Jordan Area Community Council "Old Majority" would certainly benefit from the bill-paying example.

ANGRY MIDGET NUMBER TWO: Kenya McKnight. A couple weeks ago, I was at Farview Park and I saw Kenya McKnight keeping company with perennial also-ran James Everett. When I pointed my camera in her direction to get a stock photo, McKnight actually stepped behind some people to avoid my camera.

It wasn't the first time I've seen her do this, she did the same thing during the Broadway Art FLOW. (And she was hanging around with perpetual loser James Everett then, too)

What kind of political candidate doesn't want her PICTURE taken? Is she afraid the camera will steal her soul? (Editorial remark by Chipper The Entrepreneurial Squirrel: Maybe she's afraid somebody will steal her nuts, but Kenya's nuts aren't the kind you can steal)

ANGRY MIDGET NUMBER THREE: Lennie "The Heckler" Chism, also known as "Uncle Lennie" since his bargain basement purchase of the old Uncle Bill's store. Lennie is the kind of guy who buys a vacant building scheduled for demolition and then tries to make it seem like political oppression when the city wants to move forward with tearing down the building. In this way, Lennie's kind of like Mayoral Candidate Al "I Am The Community" Flowers pissing and moaning about having to pay his utility bill like everybody else.

Like, oh, look at me! I'm oppressed, I have to PAY MY WATER BILL!

ANGRY MIDGET NUMBER FOUR: Roger Smithrud is the midget of the midgets. He even physically resembles a garden gnome. But at least Smithrud will stand still to have his picture taken instead of acting like a movie star being chased by paparazzi, like, oh, it's so invasive HAVING MY PICTURE TAKEN when I'm RUNNING FOR POLITICAL OFFICE.

Smithrud claims he once supported Don Samuels. Well, something seems to have changed after Samuels was in favor of tearing down a crappy apartment building owned by Smithrud's brother. So Smithrud is an angry midget, but his anger appears to stem from a different source than the other three anti-Samuels candidates, something more right wing and rooted in property rights fanaticism.

Jeff Skrenes is much better at political predictions than I am--at least to the tune of $2 in wagers--but I have a wager going with Don Allen for a dinner at the Monte Carlo that Don Samuels will win the race. Personally, I think Samuels will win by racking up more than 50 percent of the vote on the first round. Each of the "political midgets" is a small, tragic character and each of them makes Samuels appear an even better choice. (And he's already a great councilman or, as Kenya McKnight would put it, a very very very good councilman)

So that's my call. Samuels by more than 50 percent on the first round, and who gives a rip about IRV?

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Officer Mark Klukow Fills In For The Tooth Fairy...

Photos By John Hoff

This cute interaction happened on Friday, August 14, but I left town for a while and didn't have the photos handy. However, the story is just too precious to let fall by the wayside.

During the Peace Foundation party at Farview Park, a little girl came to Officer Klukow in a state of distress. She'd lost a tooth while frolicking in the park, and when I say "lost" I mean she really, actually lost it. Not only did it come out of her mouth, but the tooth itself disappeared into the grass, gone. The little girl was crying because she had no evidence to present to the tooth fairy and collect money for her piggy bank.

Officer Klukow took charge of the incident and assured the little girl, saying the tooth fairy keeps track of the teeth in your head and actually turning in the tooth is merely a formality. This didn't reassure the little girl enough, so Klukow said he could write out a note on his OFFICIAL POLICE CARD saying the tooth had indeed been lost, and she could turn in that documentation instead of the tooth itself. This seemed somewhat more reassuring to the little girl, but apparently she was hoping for crime scene tape and some kind of Amber Alert.

For the record, if you find a child's tooth in Farview Park...contact Officer Klukow.

(Do not click "Read More")

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Recent Demolition In Cottage Park, Jordan Neighborhood...

Photo By Todd Heintz

Todd Heintz, a JACC board member, emailed me the photo above. It shows the bitter end of a crappy building which used to stand near Garden of Gethsemane Church, which is widely known as "the Liberian Church." It was also right across from the headquarters of the Jordan Area Community Council. If anybody has the street address, feel free to post it for the historical record.

I am always happy to document the steady march of neighborhood revitalization in NoMi, which so often involves knocking down buildings which are fit only for disposal. But readers outside North Minneapolis should keep one thing in mind: there are HUNDREDS buildings being demolished or scheduled for demolition. Revitalization is an unstoppable steamroller leaving toothpicks in its wake. The changes in our neighborhood are massive and permanent. This blog manages to document only a fraction of the demolition.  

I wouldn't have caught this one at all, if not for Todd Heintz and what appears to be, well, I'm guessing a cell phone camera? Thank you, Todd Heintz.

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JNS BLOG EXCLUSIVE: "No Fair, Do Over" Lawsuit By JACC "Old Majority" Warms Up Leftover Claims...

Photo By John Hoff

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the neighborhood, members of the self-proclaimed "pro-community" JACC faction have filed a "second amended complaint" lawsuit, news this blog already broke exclusively. While adding some new plaintiffs and jazzing up its whiney list of petty gripes, the lawsuit is still pretty much a sequel.

Collateral estoppel? 

Anybody? Anybody? Bueller?

Here is a link to the lawsuit in PDF form, click here.

A few observations I'd like to note...

Incredible as it may sound, the lawsuit demands the duly-elected "New Majority" members currently running JACC should "stop harassing" the "Old Majority" members. Yes, the same folks who continue to clog the court system with their, well, baseless legal crap. Who is harassing who, here?

This psycho lawsuit sequel should have been written in "Fatal Attraction" bunny blood and end with the words "If we can't have JACC nobody else can, either." Unable to obtain leadership by legal and democratic means, the members of the "Old Majority" such as Ben Myers and Ethylon Brown are determined to cripple the organization by constant litigation...in this case, it's pretty much the same bullcrap which has already been tried in court, quite unsuccessfully.

This warmed up leftover lawsuit shows the sick, obsessive depths to which these much-thwarted loser plaintiffs are willing to stoop and the only thing more incredible is they've found a lawyer to assist. But, hey, that is just my opinion. Anybody who likes can read the lawsuit and draw their own conclusions. At least somebody made more of an effort to avoid typos with this one. Woo hoo! Stellar! Clap...clap....clap. 

Oh, in regard to the picture...I didn't have a good photo to illustrate, so this is a random image I snapped on my Kentucky road trip of a truck stop liquor store. I asked where I could find booze produced locally and I was pointed to, like, several shelves. Here is one of the shelves.

Cheers! Here's to the ongoing JACC soap opera, now in a whole new season! All the old characters, and some new! Who will control the neighborhood organization? Will the missing Blackberry device ever be found? AND WHAT IS THAT WEIRD THING ATTORNEY JILL CLARK DOES WITH HER FACE?!

Tune in to Johnny Northside Dot Com for the most exclusive inside information. Nobody beats this blog in its coverage of JACC drama. NOBODY!!!!

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