A Return To The Automotive Damage "Good Old Days" On 6th Street North

Photo by John Hoff

When I asked Peter Teachout to keep an eye on my car for a few days, I didn't think he'd actually have TO DO ANYTHING but word comes of two slashed tires and a broken window...

...which apparently happened yesterday afternoon. 

I'm thinking of renaming that particular section of 6th Street North. I think I will call it "Comprehensive Insurance Boulevard." How can I just rename a street? Well, because I have a blog and my nicknames catch on. Remember the "Apartment Complex of Anarchy?" Totally my concept, that one.

I'm thinking of renaming that particular section of 6th Street North. I think I will call it "Comprehensive Insurance Boulevard." How can I just RENAME A STREET? Well, because I have a blog and my nicknames catch on. Remember the Apartment Complex of Anarchy? 

Totally my concept, that one. 

Here's how it works on Comprehensive Insurance Boulevard. Here's how YOU can trade in your vehicle for a better vehicle. Step One: notify Peter, the neighborhood association chair, that you're doing a bit of surveillance in the neighborhood. Otherwise we might mistake you for a john or a drug dealer just hanging around; and we might put your mug and your license plate on the internet, buster. 

Step Two: Park your vehicle on the 3000 Block of 6th Street. Sit around and watch blatant drug deals, prostitution, metal theft etc. Be sure to take some pictures and be seen doing it. You may have to repeat this for a day or two. Emailing the pictures to this blog with descriptions of what you observed will speed up the process CONSIDERABLY. 

Step Three: Leave your vehicle parked on the street after the crooks have seen you trying to be a good citizen.

Step Four: The criminals will take care of this step, most likely by slashing your tires, breaking your windows, or (if you're lucky!) torching your vehicle.

Step Five: Call the police and your insurance company! Good thing you have comprehensive auto insurance, baby! 

The running total at this point: Four tires slashed. (My 1988 Celebrity) One truck torched on the Fourth of July. (Peter's vehicle) And now two tires, one window. (My 1988 Celebrity)

Peter is ahead in terms of total damage, but I am ahead in terms of total incidents. I'm an aggressive competitor, however, so Peter better watch out because I WILL BE TOTALLY PARKING MY VEHICLES ON THE STREET, PETER. None of this chicken stuff like putting the sparkly new truck in the garage or--good grief!--having volunteers putting in a cement parking platform inside the fence. 

Yes, just when we thought the former era of vehicular vandalism was over, we now see a return to the good old days. (Hence the picture, above. My brother owns this vehicle, a 1954 Chevy. Like it? It's for sale) 

Luckily, after the FIRST tire-slashing incident I went out and got comprehensive insurance. And a friend towed my vehicle to a safe spot for free (don't ask how) so I'll deal with it when I get back to Minneapolis from an out-of-state business trip. The most inconvenient aspect isn't the damage but trying to take care of this stuff long-distance. 

Peter told me the tow truck got there long before the police to make a report. However, Jeff Skrenes informed me the police had parts of Lyndale Ave. N. blocked off and appeared to be involved in some kind of serious search for narcotics.

"Don't be too hard on the police," he said. 

Like that was even an issue. 

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