Keeping The Grass Mowed At "Pandora's Box" (Summer Visitation 2009)

Ph0tos by John Hoff

Melony Michaels, the wife of identity-theft victim John Foster, whose credit was used in the fraudulent deal at 1564 Hillside Ave. N. which sent Larry Maxwell to prison, recently dubbed that house "Pandora's Box."

It's a fitting name because...

...tearing the lid off this scandal revealed a squirming mass of tangled up evil. The chickens continue to run loose but, one by one, they are coming home to roost.

In the meantime, sometimes the lawn needs to be mowed. A couple days ago, Jordan Neighborhood Chairman Kip Browne paid my son a fistful of dollars to do some mowing; first Kip's own lawn and then the front of 1564 Hillside.

Mowing just the front lawn of a vacant house is the little tactic I've suggested (and some others seem to think it's a good idea) to keep the neighborhood looking spiffy and yet to make sure the city gets its pound of flesh by slapping charges on vacant, bank-owned properties.

I won't pretend my son Alex was entirely enthusiastic about this hot, sweaty task compared to, for example, playing Runescape on my computer. Of course, I mowed the hilly parts and just left Alex the flat portions of the lawns, so he wouldn't get hurt if the mower got away from him. But mow the lawns he did and he also received much valuable, fatherly, manly advice like: "Quit griping, just make it happen" and "What do you mean you can't get it up the hill? Push harder. Many common problems can be solved by APPLYING MORE FORCE."

When Alex got paid, it turned out he didn't have any pockets. So I told him to shove the money in his sock and I informed him U.S. Marines often hide stuff in their sock like precious extra ammo. So for a couple days Alex was going around with five bucks in his socks like a Marine.

Oh, wait. Damn.

I guess I should have been making him change his socks.

Note to self.