Shoefiti Makes Fuel For A Wood Burning Stove...

Photo and blog post by John Hoff

Some weeks ago I was driving around with Hawthorne Neighborhood Housing Director Jeff Skrenes (the Hawthorne Hawkman) in his car and Jeff had a pair of tied-together shoes kicking around on the floor, which I recognized as the "ground score" shoefiti shoes he picked up while digging into the facts about slumlord Paul Bertelson, click here for Jeff's blog post and look for the picture of the snowy shoes.

So I was all, like, hey, what are you going to do with the shoes? And Jeff was all, like, nothing...you can have them.

So, as is my habit with shoes I obtain from power lines or, in this case, shoes that didn't make it up to the power line or possibly fell off, I tossed the shoes in my car and, when I got around to visiting my prolific and well-armed country mouse relatives way out in the sticks, I brought the shoes with me to see if they might be of any use to the many, many little Hofflings who occupy that part of Minnesota...

Turns out the shoes were moldy and worn out, but the laces were still good. So the laces were saved because we are, honestly, THAT frugal. The shoes themselves went into one of the wood burning stoves which Hoffs greatly prefer as heating systems, but you can't always do exactly what you want in the big city. I hope that shoe sole was made of RUBBER and not some plastic compound, because dioxins are the devil and are created every time you burn plastic.

Here sits one of the shoes on the wood pile, moments before it met its fate, just like its twin.

Shoes are not going to stay on power lines very long in North Minneapolis, not with decent citizens staying on top of this issue and taking action on their own initiative.

Video Footage of the Elite Shoe Patrol Unit!

Post and video by the Hawthorne Hawkman

After Peter Teachout's send-off party, we celebrated further by going on one final shoe patrol run. For some odd reason, this particular video (the only one taken by yours truly, I might add) was the only one with sound. But it does a pretty good job of demonstrating the difficulties inherent in shoe removal.

Unfortunately, in this video clip, Peter didn't even get the shoes down. What happened was...

...They were tangled up so much that for a while we weren't sure HOW they'd come down. This pair was right in front of a Pamiko house and 619 26th Ave N, a now vacant, but notorious problem property. We were so determined to keep the block clean that I walked home to grab a knife and some tape to affix to the end of one of the boards and cut the shoelaces.

It turns out the only tape I could find was scotch tape I use to seal my comic book covers. Yes, I am a geek. So it was probably a good thing that Peter Teachout is so skilled with the chopstick-and-stilt dexterity needed to remove shoes, and these were down by the time I got back. I did have a respectable knife, though.

After a few other shoes were removed, I departed and missed the most interesting episode of the night due to a pre-existing appointment to do some LED night hula hooping. (Video footage of THAT exists and can be found, but I'm going to get better at filming night hooping before putting direct links here or elsewhere.)

We'll miss you, Peter, but we'll find some way to continue the Elite Shoe Patrol!

Thank You, Mike Dog Azz, For A Pair Of Perfectly Good Shoes! (Summer Visitation, 2010)

Contributed photo, above, bottom photos and blog post by John Hoff

The problem with going on a super-successful "shoe patrol" is, afterward, you have to figure out how to dispose of all those shoes. My environmental radicalism is no secret--heck, I wrote two "cult classic" books on the subject of dumpster diving--so I'm not going to throw away shoes which still have some life left, even if the foot ware has a dubious history which involves being a piece of "shoefiti" on a powerline.

Of the 7 or 8 pairs of shoes taken off power lines in a recent shoe patrol mission, about 5 of those pairs were in fairly decent shape, including a relatively new pair of white canvas shoes emblazoned with the name "Mike Dog Azz." These shoes made their way out to the ultra-rural boonies where my numerous blood relatives reside, and what do you know? Some of the shoes...

...fit pretty well!

A few of the shoes were so badly worn they were fit for nothing but keeping the Franklin stove blazing on some cold future night, but even in those cases the SHOE LACES were still good. Why waste a perfectly good shoelace? You might have to run out and buy one if you don't save one aside.

One Last Successful Shoe Patrol Mission! (Summer Visitation, 2010)

Photo and blog post by John Hoff

For weeks, Peter Teachout was saying to me, "We've got make ONE LAST SHOE PATROL. WE'VE JUST GOTTA!"

Peter is going off to military training, but the elite "shoe patrol unit" has been near and dear to his heart ever since Peter single-handedly organized our volunteer efforts to go around and take shoes off power lines, standing on the roof of his truck and using two long boards like chopsticks to gingerly untangle laces then--at a key moment when the laces are untangled--boost one of the shoes over the line, so they both fall down.

So I was all, like, yeah, let's do that...

So it was the night of Peter's big going-away-but-hopefully-coming-back party, when a bunch of us went shoe-patrolling. All sorts of different people were involved at different points: Jordan Super Citizen Megan Goodmundson, Megan's brother Alex who was visiting from out of state, my own son Alex, Peter's son "little Peter," and even Jeff Skrenes (the Hawthorne Hawkman) joined us for a while. We managed to take down eight pairs of shoes, but there's always "the one that got away" which is the one you really remember.

Actually, it wasn't just ONE but two pairs on a power line near the Emerson Avenue Market, in a "decency dead zone" where loitering and drug dealing appears to happen all the time, but nobody is right there constantly calling it in. A domestic disturbance started to spill out on the lawn in front of us and, really, it was time to go.

Readers might be wondering where did all those captured shoes end up? Well, that's another tale for another blog post. But I should go out of my way to give special mention to my son, Alex, who put himself in the spotter position and was unwavering in his task of watching for shoes out the window of Peter's truck, then drawing the shoes to our attention. These were shoes we would have missed.

The only downside of the evening came on Penn Ave. N., when we drove by a hooker who was really strutting her stuff. (This particular hooker has been known to flash her breasts at cars, including--at least once--a car with a small child) I leaned out the truck window with a video camera and used a few choice words on this hooker as we sped past, forgetting for a moment that Peter is, um, RELIGIOUS and this was stuff I really shouldn't say in front of Peter's kid, even though (I would like to point out) the word "WHORE" is definitely in the Bible, see the Book of Revelations.

But I apologized, and Peter forgave me.

Hurry back, Peter, and be safe in your travels.

JSPAN VIDEO COVERAGE! City Council Resolution Honoring Former Hawthorne Neighborhood Board Chair Peter Teachout

Video and blog post by John Hoff

Former Hawthorne Neighborhood Council Board Chair Peter Teachout, who courageously faced down pimps, prostitutes and deeply-dug-in drug dealers in the Hawthorne EcoVillage and helped produce the "18-month EcoVillage miracle" in that crime ridden four-block area, was recognized today for his service to the neighborhood.

The simple, deeply stirring ceremony centered upon a City Council resolution which...

...recogized Peter and his family members (right down to Baby Jack!) for their bravery and selfless service, which included refusing to retreat in the face of a terrifying arson incident, and removing shoes from power lines which are believed to mark drug and gang territory. Peter's recent enlistment in the United States Army was also recognized, and City Council Member Diane Hofstede hoped aloud that Peter would return to Minneapolis at the end of his military service.

Speaking to citizens gathered in the City Council Chambers--including neighborhood Housing Director Jeff Skrenes, who was present on the neighborhood's behalf in regard to a zoning variance--Peter only said that his actions were on behalf of a "higher calling," by which he was clearly referencing Jesus Christ, who Peter recognizes as his personal Lord and Savior, but Peter was probably trying to avoid mixing his church and state in council chambers.

Right after the presentation, a city council aide gave lollipops to each of the three Teachout children old enough for lollipops, with one lollipop given to Mrs. Teachout to save for Baby Jack. Don Samuels added some eloquent remarks about the kind of courage it takes to turn around a troubled neighborhood, which Samuels found comparable to the kind of bravery necessary for military service.

Standards Are Slipping For Shoes On Power Lines...

Photo By John Hoff

Yesterday, Jeff Skrenes (the Hawthorne Hawkman) and I went out and took a bunch of illegal signs off utility poles, which resulted in a festival of bloggy videography. (And when I say "festival," you better believe there's a pinata involved)

While going after the signs, we came upon a pair of shoes kind of, sort of hanging on a power line. The shoes were actually...

...on the power pole "guy wire," and not the power line itself. They weren't very high up, so it was a relatively easy matter to push them down with a broomstick and undo the laces.

I didn't know whether to be happy or a little sad to see the standards for "shoefiti" slipping so much.