It's Getting Harder To Find My 311 Buzz On The Streets Of North Minneapolis...

Photo and blog post by John Hoff

When I have a few spare moments while driving around, I make 311 calls. It's a great stress reliever to dial three digits, speak to a pleasant operator, and realize you just made some absentee owner--most likely a bank--actually keep the grass mowed at a vacant house. Occupied houses usually get a free pass from me on the grass mowing calls, unless I see something "thuggy" happening on the front lawn or--as was the case yesterday--I know for a fact the house is owned by slumlord Bashir Moghul.

But in the last few days, an odd thing started to happen in the course of my 311 hobby...

I'd call in an overgrown, vacant lot and it turned out somebody else had called it in the day before. I'd call in a house unsecured, open to trespass...and it turned out the house had been called in a couple days before. This didn't happen EVERY time I called, but it happened often enough that I started to notice the pattern.

Are other residents of the neighborhood taking up the task of going on "311 and 911 patrols" as this blog has urged, both by example and exhortation? In fact, it's actually getting hard to make "911 hooker calls" on Penn Ave. N., even if you drive around the right time of night. (Of course, the "defecating hooker" is an exception, she's ALWAYS around)

On the one hand, I should be glad these problems are getting reported and our neighborhood is getting better by leaps and bounds, the progress of the "NoMi Revitalization Movement" unstoppable. On the other hand...it's getting really hard to score my "311 buzz."

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Criminal Record of Ryan Eugene Loyd, Alleged Shooter In Fourth Of July "Phat Phat" Murder...

Stock photo and blog post by John Hoff

Ryan E. Loyd, age 20, was one of the alleged shooters recently arrested in the murder of Anthony "Phat Phat" Titus, age 16. See Star Tribune article.

Once again, it becomes the role of the blogosphere to fill in some of the small information spaces left wide open by the mainstream media, who do well enough getting the big story but leave us wanting more information while they move on to other big, exciting stories.

Here is the criminal record of young Ryan....


27-JV-07-12835
Loyd, Ryan Eugene
01/08/1990
09/25/2007
- Hennepin Juvenile
Delinquency Felony (Age 16 and Older)
Closed
Tamper With Motor Vehicle
Receiving Stolen Property

27-CR-08-46695
Loyd, Ryan Eugene
01/08/1990
09/18/2008
Hennepin Criminal/Traffic/Petty Downtown
Crim/Traf Mandatory
Closed
LOITER W/INT NARCOTICS

27-CR-08-61269
1080638610
Loyd, Ryan Eugene
01/08/1990
12/10/2008
Hennepin Criminal/Traffic/Petty Downtown
Crim/Traf Mandatory
Under Court Jurisdiction
Loiter with intent to solicit any act prohibited by law

27-CR-09-23627
Loyd, Ryan Eugene
01/08/1990
05/12/2009
Hennepin Criminal/Traffic/Petty Downtown
Crim/Traf Mandatory
Under Court Jurisdiction
Loitering

27-CR-09-29866
Loyd, Ryan Eugene
01/08/1990
06/17/2009
Hennepin Criminal/Traffic/Petty Downtown
Crim/Traf Mandatory
Under Court Jurisdiction
LOITER W/INT

27-CR-09-50974
1090560119
1090560119
Loyd, Ryan Eugene
01/08/1990
10/12/2009
Hennepin Criminal/Traffic/Petty Downtown
Crim/Traf Mandatory
Closed
Misdemeanor contempt of court.
Littering - Unlawful deposit of garbage, litter or like.

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Alex Hoff Seeks Out The Brilliant Street Artistry Of The Graffiti Tagger Known As "SHOCK"--Sarcasm Font! (Summer Visitation 2010)

Blog post and photos by John Hoff,

unless photo is otherwise specified

Recently, I was writing about the prolific graffiti vandal known as "SHOCK" and how graffiti vandals use social networking to document their acts on the internet...and how their use of social networking is so extensive that if authorities really WANTED to find the pathetic suburban emos responsible for graffiti, it wouldn't be very difficult. See, for example, the video above which some commenter on this blog drew to my attention.

I wasn't quite through picking on "SHOCK," though, and I thought I'd continue my critique of him...

On the last weekend I spent with my son, Alex, during our 5 weeks of summer visitation, we went on a little excursion to random places and I told Alex, "Keep an eye out for SHOCK's tag. I need a picture."

My son always takes these "lookout" missions seriously, at least when he thinks the mission is fun and he's into it, like when we go on "shoe patrol." Alex will watch intently for something and not break his watchfulness until that thing is found. So it wasn't very long before he found SHOCK's tags, including the one pictured above.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Tell me how this is art. Tell me how this is meaningful. This overgrown child scribbles his self-inflicted nickname on, well, everything. Currently, he is (quite arguably) the most prolific tagger in the Twin Cities. And here's why I bring that up...

The authorities have clearly made a decision to ignore taggers and concentrate on bigger crimes. And this makes economic sense. But the taggers have obviously figured out the lack of police priority, to the point they are happily documenting their crimes on the internet. So here is what I suggest:

Every year, or maybe every six months, or (during times when budgets aren't so tight) every three months, the authorities should figure out which Twin Cities tagger is both overly-prolific and well-documented on social media and GO AFTER THAT PARTICULAR TAGGER TO MAKE AN EXAMPLE OUT OF HIM. (It might be helpful if various do-gooders made a point of tracking down the identity of the taggers via social media and just present their evidence to the police, social-media vigilante style)

This will send a chill through the tagger community. They will figure out it's best not to brag about your deeds on social media. They will think, "Better not to be TOO prolific, better not to overdo things." Perhaps they'll make a tactical decision to concentrate on the rail yards and STAY AWAY FROM THE REST OF THE URBAN LANDSCAPE, the part under the control of city authorities.

Driving the taggers away from the use of social media will help break the cycle which creates taggers. Clearly, social media contains "tagger propaganda" which encourages children of about my son's age to become taggers themselves. But thank God I never have to worry about my son. I never need to think, "When I come home, will Alex be away with his tagger buddies, wearing his pants below his ass and listening to emo bands like Hawthorne Heights?"

On a happier note, here are some photos of that excursion with my son who is NOT a tagger, NOT an emo and, God willing, never will be.

Contributed photo, xoxo

Here we're at the Jimmy John's on University Ave. in St. Paul. For the past half a decade, my son has refused to eat any Jimmy John's sandwich except a plain ham 'n' cheese, no condiments.

At a small Asian deli in Frogtown, I got some cheap chicken wings, only to be surprised by some kind of noodle stuffing. How did they even get those noodles INSIDE the chicken wing? Naturally, Alex wouldn't try this dish. Actually, my son is willing to eat a small bite of almost any new and exciting food...if somebody will pay him a dollar.

Contributed photo, xoxo

We went through all kinds of Asian grocery stores, looking for cans of bugs. (Bamboo caterpillars, ant larvae, that kind of thing) I was disappointed I couldn't find any cans of bugs to resupply my collection of canned insect cuisine. We did discover, to our amazement, that chickens have paws. Who knew?
A low-cost "exotic foods excursion" never fails to turn up something interesting and amazing. Here is a can of artichoke drink. Ah, cool refreshing artichoke drink. You're probably wondering what it tastes like? Well, it tastes similar to the white fungus drink sold in the same store, only not as sweet. I prefer the white fungus.

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Suspect In Homicide No. 30 Arrested At A Mahmood Khan Property!!!

Post and photos by the Hawthorne Hawkman

The Minneapolis Crime Watch Blog posted an update on the arrest of a suspect in the recent shooting at the Old Colony gas station (commonly referred to as "The Honeybee" in NoMi). It listed the address where Ryedelle Reginald Loving was arrested as 315 Buchanan St NE.

"Wait a minute," I thought. "I KNOW that property." It was the leadoff property in the Johnny Northside post detailing Mahmood Khan's slumpire.

(Do not click "Read More," but do question the connection between notorious slumlords' rental standards and our city's homicides. Remember, at a McKinley meeting, Khan was evasive about his tenant screening process before admitting that he has no outside management company that screens tenants for him.)

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And The Newest JACC Board Member Is...The Blogosphere!

Photos and blog post by John Hoff

A couple weeks ago, while I was at a meeting of the Jordan Area Community Council where all kinds of exciting stuff got discussed, including an idea for a prostitute drop-in center, I noticed something interesting about the paper agenda floating around. And I don't mean just the fact it was...

...a bright, citrusy shade of yellow.

The official agenda for the meeting was printed directly off the "JACC Flash NoMi" blog. You could see somebody had just hit "print page" and the agenda--which was published on the blog prior to the meeting--was printed out with the URL of the website at the bottom of the page, and the blog header at the top.

In the past couple years, I've noticed how the blogosphere has become more and more of a factor in our neighborhood politics, as we promulgate information and have discussions in the "virtual" community forums of the internet. But this particular moment struck me as a kind of milestone, when even printing out a hard copy of the official meeting agenda on "dead tree media" means pulling the document right off a blog.

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Let the Good Times FLOW!

Post, videos, and photos by the Hawthorne Hawkman


By all accounts, the FLOW Northside Arts Crawl was a terrific success. I wish I'd been able to experience more of it, but I spent the majority of the event hula hooping at the Lyndale and Broadway cluster as part of the festivities. Not only did quite a few kids join in, but we received requests to youth hula hooping events in other parts of Minneapolis as well.

The hoopsters had some surprise visitors too, such as...

...Former One Man Minneapolis Officer Mark Klukow, with the Bike Cops for Kids. His partner Mike did some hooping himself, but JNS was scooped by the Bike Cops for Kids' Facebook page, which posted their hooping pictures before FLOW was even finished.




It should be pointed out how DIFFICULT it is to hula hoop while wearing a police officer's utility belt. Heck, I don't even like to have my wallet, Blackberry, or keys in my pockets when I'm hooping. So we'll cut these guys some slack.


By the time hooping was done, most of the other FLOW clusters had shut down or were close to that state, with the exception of the 5 Points Building. Before I arrived there, however, I ran across Senator Linda Higgins. Linda's been profiled consistently on this blog already, but her two adorable dogs and their political support were on full display today.



Once again, JNS was scooped by the Hillside Chronicles blog regarding the phenomenal artwork on display at the 5 Points Building, which is coming along quite nicely, as you can see. Here's what the view will be from upstairs. Once finished, I predict this office space will be among the most sought-after in NoMi.


Although I didn't get over to Broadway Liquor Outlet in time to catch famed NoMi photographer Pat Carney, I did meet up with one of the newest Hawthornites, Brian Finstad. I told him that Cash and Carry would be playing at the after party, and he responded:


City of Minneapolis Ordinance 114.28.03.7 states: "Upon being informed that one will soon see the band Cash and Carry live in NoMi, the recipient of said information shall, to the best of their abilities, approximate the above facial expression.")

And here's why:



I also met perhaps the newest NoMi homeowners, Katie and Jason, who just closed on their home 24 hours prior to the festivities. Welcome to the neighborhood!


In a rather poetic way to end the day's celebration, many of us went to Good Sports Bar and Grill on Broadway, where we had a chance to meet the previous owner of Delisi's and thank him for his service to the community. Thanks to everyone who made FLOW such a great time, and it will be even better next year!

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Feel Free To Access Johnny Northside Dot Com From Work--Site Meter Is Now Restricted!

Stock photo and blog post by John Hoff

Recently, friends in the blogger world pointed out how the "site meter" on Johnny Northside Dot Com was unrestricted, which was allowing anybody--even thug hugging revitalization haters--to access highly technical info about which "IP addresses" are reading or even blogging on Johnny Northside Dot Com.

In the last couple years of intense blogging I've learned it's NOT the thugs you have to worry about when you take on the kind of "Urban Utopia" mission which Johnny Northside Dot Com has embraced. No, rather, there is a layer of internet-accessing "thug huggers" who jump to the defense of crack whores, sex offenders, mortgage fraudsters, and other criminal no accounts because of deeply rooted flaws in their messed up psyches. These thug huggers need to be dealt with just like a blocked storm sewer or a tree fallen after a windstorm or a crack whore on the corner needs to be dealt with. It's ugly, it's stinky, and it's hard work, but what are you going to do? Let evil win?

Most of these "thug apologisits" don't even LIVE in North Minneapolis, though there are plenty of times they will PRETEND to live in North Minneapolis for personal gain.

Since publishing highly technical site meter info is not the goal of my blog--it's far too boring and geeky--and since I love frustrating the trolls who cluster in the dark virtual corners of the blogosphere--I've decided to restrict the site meter so only those with administrative privileges (moi!) can access that data.

If you are reading Johnny Northside from work or even commenting and contributing to Johnny Northside from work, let me assure you nobody will be the wiser...including me.

(Do Not Click "Read More")

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I Love My Home In NoMi--A Momento Of The Past Owner

Photo and blog post by John Hoff

The house I own on Bryant Ave. N. was once the home of a family named "DeFoe." I know this because of the step leading to the detached garage. I think another garage used to stand on the property, because once saw it on an old platte map, but my garage is clearly of more recent construction.

Not only is the name "DeFoe" on the step, but...

...one of the DeFoe's wrote his name on an exposed stud inside the garage, along with a number I assume was the year he graduated from high school or college. (Ted DeFoe, '85)

Recently, a friend of mine said I should replace the name "DeFoe" with "Hoff," but I said I would NEVER do that. This is the name of the man who built my excellent garage, the father who poured his life and love into that house and kept it up well enough. At some point, the house fell into the hands of some wheeler-dealer named Kevin Freeman who turned it into a flophouse.

Not only will I not get rid of the name on the step, but I've thought about filling in the letters with pewter, so they really show up well. (The melting point of pewter is so low, you can melt it with a match. I learned this in high school shop class)

I love my home in NoMi, and the little pieces of history I discover in my adventure of home ownership.

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Thank You, Neighbor, For Helping Johnny Northside Dot Com! (Weed Wacker)

Photo and blog post by John Hoff

Since I publicly thanked the neighbor who fixed my van, I thought I better publicly thank ANOTHER neighbor who fixed my weed wacker a couple days ago and even told me I could get more weed wacker string any time I wanted, since he has a supply big enough to last half a decade.

True confession: I actually bought that weed wacker off a guy on the sidewalk for $20.

Consider this: if I had called the police on that "sidewalk appliance salesman," he would have been gone by the time a squad car rolled up--no criticism of the police, that's just reality--a "guy on the sidewalk selling a weed wacker" call is going to get a long response time, longer than the ability of the guy to amble several blocks away by the time the police arrive. So I figured it was best to just keep the weed wacker in NoMi (where it was probably stolen in the first place) for the low, low price of $20. I'll have to pay back any bad karma by wacking some weeds at a vacant, neglected house and doing more than $20 worth of labor.

If the weed wacker has any kind of serial number and the police want to run it, they can be my guest. If it turns out the weed wacker is positively hot and can be linked to some specific theft, I will gladly hand it over. If not, well, maybe the guy who sold it really did own it. (Rolling eyes)

But as long as I'm thanking neighbors, I should thank the guy who fixed my van AGAIN, because he also put a screw in the weed wacker so it wouldn't just fall apart. (See photo, above) The truth is that if I thanked everybody on this blog who lends me a hand now and then, that's all I'd ever write about. I love you all, NoMi neighbors.

(Do not click "Read More")

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"War Trophy" From 3119 4th St. N. Goes To Good Use!

Photo and blog post by John Hoff

I use to write quite a bit about 3119 4th St. N, known as "Mold-O-Topia" and the "other Apartment Complex of Anarchy" in the Hawthorne EcoVillage. But I don't need to write about this hellhole anymore because the city tore it down, which caused the scurrying evacuation of a fair number of thugs who lived there. Some decent folks may have lived there, too, but what could be done? The place was a hellhole, so infested with mold you could plainly smell it outside the building.

In the course of the demolition of that building, I picked up a souvenir brick, adding it to my rather extensive "North Minneapolis rock collection" which includes such gems as...

...a piece of rubble from the "Uncle Lennie's" store (it flew into the street, I picked it up) and a stone which was apparently used to break into the window of my van.

So when the chimney at my house needed to be tuck pointed, and a skilled handyman bid on the job at a really reasonable price, I asked the handyman to remove one of the old bricks from my chimney and deliberately substitute the "war trophy brick" from 3119 4th St. N.

Since the "war trophy brick" is much lighter, it's visible in the chimney if you know exactly where to look. If somebody asks me why there is one light brick amid all the darker bricks, I will explain where that lighter brick came from and how I salvaged that brick as a small, useful, symbolic resource which can contribute to our neighborhood's revitalization effort.

Every time the alienated, malcontent loser enemies of revitalization turn their impotent wrath toward us, we only grow stronger. We gain in tactical experience, in inspiring tales of our collective neighborhood adventures, and sometimes we actually walk away with useful material resources. (Need I remind anybody about the PERFECTLY GOOD SHOES taken off power lines?)

That is the lesson of the war trophy brick: REVITALIZATION IS BUSTING OUT ALL OVER NoMi. We are building a beautiful Urban Utopia literally from the rubble of what used to be--once upon a time--a refuge of crime and anarchy. Now is the time to join the movement, and buy your dream home for pennies on the dollar.

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My Son Alex Finds An (Allegedly) Interesting Book About Mortgages (Summer Visitation 2010)

Photos and blog post by John Hoff

During my recent summer visitation with my son, Alex, age 13, one thing we did was to pick up lots of books which had been set out on the sidewalk with a sign marked FREE. Some of the books we wanted for ourselves, and others we figured we'd sell. It's all part of our NoMi lifestyle which is...

1.) Green. Super Green.

2.) Frugal. Super Frugal.

3.) Artsy, free spirited, creative.

4.) Meaningful. We are part of an epic and historic struggle to take this neighborhood back from thugs and no accounts, and create a safe, diverse, and beautiful urban utopia.

Therefore...when we see books or furniture on the sidewalk, we start scrounging goodies for our NoMi homes!

Out of all the books, my son--who is a notorious math geek--eagerly snatched up a book showing (dear lord!) mortgage tables.

As we drove along--past numerous North Minneapolis houses hit hard by the mortgage crisis, some boarded up and many for sale--my son Alex ignored the scenery and pored over amortization figures with rapt interest.

This is what I get for letting my son Alex spend too much time hanging out with a mortgage geek like Hawthorne Housing Director Jeff Skrenes.

(Do not click "Read More")

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