Monday, May 30, 2011

Spanky Pete's Latest Loony Legal Action--Habeas My Rotten Corpus!

Stock photo and blog post by John Hoff

I may as well address rumors that Peter "Spanky Pete" Rickmyer, the Level Three sex offender who went to prison about a month ago for trying to file dubious legal paper against this blog after being declared a frivolous litigant, has filed a new legal action against this blog. How many does that make? Honestly, I've lost count...

But, first of all, his latest legal nonsense is not a lawsuit. It's actually a habeas corpus action, legal Latin for "let go the body." This kind of action is filed by somebody who believes they have no valid legal reason to be incarcerated by the authorities. I say again, INCARCERATED BY THE AUTHORITIES.

At this point you might be asking yourself, hey, wait a minute...why would a private citizen like John Hoff the blogger be named in a habeas corpus action? Sounds like this kind of action can only be filed against a government entity.

How right you are. Spanky Pete has named a number of public officials in his action, including corrections authorities. Keep in mind, however, that because Spanky Pete is a "Rule 9 frivolous litigant," he isn't allowed to file lawsuits without 1.) the signature of a licensed attorney, 2.) the permission of the presiding judge.

So far, I have no indication of anybody actually being served with this paperwork and, furthermore, I haven't heard anything about Pete getting permission to file it. One might wonder why he's filing it at all, since he's expected to be released on or about June 6. Heck, by the time any legal issues got sorted out, Pete would be a free man. Or would he?

Many of us are hoping, praying, crossing our fingers that Pete would be re-assessed, re-evaluated, re-incarcerated and just stay locked up. Is the habeas corpus action some indication this might happen, and Peter feels like he needs to start fighting his way out of jail? Who knows.

(Parody font)

But let me just address the naming of a blogger in a habeas corpus action or, as one might phrase it, "bloggus habeas corpus."
(Blogger! Let go my body!)

I want to address the authorities directly: Look, it was a lot of fun when the white prison van pulled up at my house, and you wild-n-crazy Corrections Department folks said, "John, we'd like you to have the honor of driving Spanky Pete to prison." I especially enjoyed the part where we stopped at that, um, nightclub establishment for drinks and music and left Pete in the van. The doggie dish full of bottled water? Nice touch.

But here's the deal: scratch my cop-loving exterior and the bleeding heart liberal beneath is soon revealed. Nobody, not even Spanky Pete, should be subjected to repeated body cavity searches by female Law Enforcement Explorer Scouts, and, furthermore, not even a terrorist should be forced to pee and defecate upon himself while being transported.

Yes, I'll admit I was laughing pretty hard when one of the Explorer Scouts was imitating Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs, "Yes, Precious, he WILL get the hose."

But that stream of ice cold water was coming out WAY TOO HARD. I could see the red marks on Spanky Pete's hide.

(End of parody font)

So, for the record, I say the man has had enough and the authorities should LET HIM GO...

Inside a very large fenced area.

Where he will be made to build his own cabin and raise his own chickens.

I hope this makes my position clear on the incarceration of Spanky Pete, and whether to habeas his corpus.

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