Turd Burglar Paper Trail Falls Into The Hands Of JNS BLOG, Oh Geez, There's Something Oh So WRONG About That Sentence...

Photo by John Hoff, aftermath of Thanksgiving Day Turd Burglary
Incident, blog post by John Hoff

More commentary and details later, for now all I have time to say is three criminal complaints filed against "16 and over" juvenile suspects in a now-infamous Thanksgiving Day burglary incident have made their way to my hands.  I am immediately sharing them with readers, see links below.

The documents are all substantially the same except for the suspect's names and addresses, plus names and addresses of parents at the top of the forms.

I thought it was Christmas the other day when Jill Clark filed a 99 page document full of undiluted, chock-full-of-nuts crazy, but it turns out this is the real Christmas present. Thank you, Santa, for the name of one more accused turd burglar, Allen Michael King, DOB 10/4/95, 2320 Dupont Ave. N.

Complaint, Allen Michael King

Complaint, Marquese Perkins, which may also be spelled Marcquese Perkins, I have seen it both ways.

Complaint, Navarr Ross

More later as I dig into these addresses and names. 

Turd Burglar Math, JNS Blog Confirms SEVEN, Yes, SEVEN Turd Burglars Arrested...

Contributed photo, blog post by John Hoff

The other day a maddening little Northside mystery was solved for me. If six turd burglars were arrested after a Thanksgiving Day burglary involving seven burglars, why were only four of them booked?

Two possibilities occurred to me: In the heat and excitement of the moment, the residents involved in calling police and momentarily trapping the burglars in the house (which was key in preventing a getaway, even one of the arresting officers said so) may have miscounted the number of turd burglars emerging from doors and a window.

Or, (second possibility) not all the burglars were booked because some of them were such little fish they may have been released to parents.

If a correction had been in order in regard to the number of burglars originally reported, this blog would have written a correction without hesitation...

No Honor Among Turd Burglars, And No Trial, Either...

Stock photo, from an alley on Newton Ave. N., blog post by John Hoff


Word comes from a reliable source that the four minors apprehended in the midst of a Thanksgiving Day "turd burglary" will all be pleading guilty. Some of the burglars will be testifying against their comrades. All the burglars will be getting probation, forced to pay restitution, and will have to perform community service.

This blogger earnestly hopes the community service will involve cleaning toilets. As for restitution, word is the replacement of the back door cost $467.17.

The burglars will also have to write a letter of apology and, if needed may attend rehab. I am very hopeful their letters of apology will find their way to my hands in the form of PDF files so let's all hope the turd burglars write better than they break and enter.

Furthermore (and this is probably the most humiliating) the burglars will be required to participate in the shooting of a music video for Charlatan of Larceny, a song inspired by their farcical attempts at burglary on Hillside Ave. N. and 22nd Ave. N.

OK, that last part is just me kidding around but, seriously, there's a song in the works. 

Source Reveals Names Of Alleged "Turd Burglars" In Hillside Ave. N. Thanksgiving Day Incident...

Contributed photo, blog post by John Hoff

Practically from the moment this blogger heard the gripping account of the "Hillside Ave. N. Turd Burglary And Neighborhood Uprising," click here, and here and here, I was promising to publish the names of the alleged miscreants if that information fell into my hands.

Tonight, it fell into my hands...