"To who this may concern," Two Turd Burglar Apology Letters Sent To Hillside Ave. N. Burglary Victim...

Photos, blog post by John Hoff

When it comes to the Thanksgiving Day Turd Burglary, it would appear everything is finished but the paperwork...

"Turd Burglar" Update, Part Two, Court Proceedings And Plea Bargains, Plus The Name "Jermaine Washington" Bobs To The Surface...

Contributed photo, blog post by John Hoff

A little more than two months after a broad daylight Thanksgiving burglary attempt against the home of a respected senior citizen, click here for more details, court proceedings against the seven alleged miscreants are moving forward at a constipated pace.

Word reached me awhile ago that Darkese Shorter failed to make a pretrial hearing on January 9. (The title of the email with this information was "Stupid Kid.") Jermaine Washington, whose name I didn't have until the last couple days, reportedly pleaded guilty and among other things will have to attend a gun offender program. Based on this information, the victim of the burglary assumes that Jermaine Washington was armed when he was apprehended after the burglary.

Scary...

Turd Burglar Math, JNS Blog Confirms SEVEN, Yes, SEVEN Turd Burglars Arrested...

Contributed photo, blog post by John Hoff

The other day a maddening little Northside mystery was solved for me. If six turd burglars were arrested after a Thanksgiving Day burglary involving seven burglars, why were only four of them booked?

Two possibilities occurred to me: In the heat and excitement of the moment, the residents involved in calling police and momentarily trapping the burglars in the house (which was key in preventing a getaway, even one of the arresting officers said so) may have miscounted the number of turd burglars emerging from doors and a window.

Or, (second possibility) not all the burglars were booked because some of them were such little fish they may have been released to parents.

If a correction had been in order in regard to the number of burglars originally reported, this blog would have written a correction without hesitation...

No Honor Among Turd Burglars, And No Trial, Either...

Stock photo, from an alley on Newton Ave. N., blog post by John Hoff


Word comes from a reliable source that the four minors apprehended in the midst of a Thanksgiving Day "turd burglary" will all be pleading guilty. Some of the burglars will be testifying against their comrades. All the burglars will be getting probation, forced to pay restitution, and will have to perform community service.

This blogger earnestly hopes the community service will involve cleaning toilets. As for restitution, word is the replacement of the back door cost $467.17.

The burglars will also have to write a letter of apology and, if needed may attend rehab. I am very hopeful their letters of apology will find their way to my hands in the form of PDF files so let's all hope the turd burglars write better than they break and enter.

Furthermore (and this is probably the most humiliating) the burglars will be required to participate in the shooting of a music video for Charlatan of Larceny, a song inspired by their farcical attempts at burglary on Hillside Ave. N. and 22nd Ave. N.

OK, that last part is just me kidding around but, seriously, there's a song in the works. 

Source Reveals Names Of Alleged "Turd Burglars" In Hillside Ave. N. Thanksgiving Day Incident...

Contributed photo, blog post by John Hoff

Practically from the moment this blogger heard the gripping account of the "Hillside Ave. N. Turd Burglary And Neighborhood Uprising," click here, and here and here, I was promising to publish the names of the alleged miscreants if that information fell into my hands.

Tonight, it fell into my hands...