Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Turd Burglar Math, JNS Blog Confirms SEVEN, Yes, SEVEN Turd Burglars Arrested...

Contributed photo, blog post by John Hoff

The other day a maddening little Northside mystery was solved for me. If six turd burglars were arrested after a Thanksgiving Day burglary involving seven burglars, why were only four of them booked?

Two possibilities occurred to me: In the heat and excitement of the moment, the residents involved in calling police and momentarily trapping the burglars in the house (which was key in preventing a getaway, even one of the arresting officers said so) may have miscounted the number of turd burglars emerging from doors and a window.

Or, (second possibility) not all the burglars were booked because some of them were such little fish they may have been released to parents.

If a correction had been in order in regard to the number of burglars originally reported, this blog would have written a correction without hesitation...

Mistakes happen. When error is drawn to my attention I leap to make correction. I have literally corrected typos that are four years old. When a blog is as controversial as this one, it is vital to maintain the protective shield of "it's the truth, damn it, and if a mistake was made it wasn't made ON PURPOSE."

But the thing about a correction is you have to be sure a mistake has been made in the first place, or you could be put in the position of writing a correction to a correction.

And that would just be embarrassing. Like the photo, above, is just embarrassing. I mean, I have a shower curtain of roughly the same "blue fish" pattern as those shorts. And history teaches us it's really hard to run away from cops while wearing your pants like that.

Note, above, Exhibit A.

Luckily, I don't need to make any correction. A source close to the events confirms six burglars were arrested but only four of them were booked. And when I say "burglars," I actually mean ACCUSED burglars, blah blah blah.

Who were caught red handed.

Allegedly. Note photo, above, shortly after the little shit in question ran from the house.

Allegedly. According to eye witnesses.

The best part of this information about the number of burglars involved? I don't have to change the lyrics to Charlatan Of Larceny, about a young man who "didn't really know how to burglarize, but six little boys believed his lies."

Oh, and by the way...

The seventh burglar was arrested later, his name given up by his comrades.

This blogger looks forward to getting the names of the other three accused burglars and publishing those names; hint, hint. 


Anonymous said...

brought to you by your unfriendly neighborhood, turd blogger!

Anonymous said...

I just confirmed the identity of the individual in the photo is Diamonte Latrell Morris.

Anonymous said...

No the person inn the photo is Allen King

Anonymous said...


"Seven turd burglars". Logic: turds are brown... like African Americans.

He basically called those people some African American shitty ass burglars! That's racist he's wrong and we need to shut him down!

He should have just said those black shits!

Johnny Northside! said...

They are turd burglars because one of them took a big messy shit in the toilet and wiped his ass with an entire roll of toilet paper and threw it in the toilet, and because "turd burglar" is a funny term and it stuck like, well, like a dingleberry.

There is no play on words, no intention, nothing about race or the color brown that is meant to be associated with the term. Nice try, thanks for playing, and let's have the next contestant, please.

Joe said...


Anonymous on April 14 at 6:33 PM. Read before you comment.