Stolen Laptop Controversy Won't Die After Minneapolis City DFL Convention In May, 2009...

Stock Photo by John Hoff, my son Alex with an Apple Laptop

Blog post by John Hoff

It has long been the policy of this blog to NOT sit tight on pieces of valuable information, but--whenever feasible--to get information OUT THERE even if the info is incomplete. In fact, that's how the very interesting Pamiko-Gate story was blown wide open, because this blog published what it had--an interesting piece of the story--and, very quickly, more information came flowing back.

In that spirit, I want to make clear this blog post is NOT the whole story, but I am trying hard to get--as Paul Harvey would say--"the rest of the story."

In May of 2009, the Minneapolis City DFL met at Washburn high school. According to a highly-placed source, two Apple laptops were stolen that day from a class room which was left unlocked. Images were captured on videotape...

...of an individual wearing a t-shirt from one of the Mayoral campaigns, skulking in a hallway, trying the doors of various rooms. The individual was a young black female. The t-shirt she was wearing was not from the Rybak campaign, but from one of the many "also-ran" campaigns. When somebody else passed through the hallway, the individual in the campaign t-shirt seemed to act as though she was looking for a bathroom. The individual entered an unlocked room with a backpack which did not appear full. When she left the room, the backpack appeared full. Two valuable Apple laptops turned up missing from the room shortly afterward.

Days after the convention, police attempted to identify the young black female using at least one still photo from the videotape. In fact, police went to City Hall with a photo and asked individuals at City Hall if they could identify the individual in the campaign t-shirt. The individual looks like a young woman associated with one of the Mayoral campaigns, but there is talk of a change in hairstyle, a certain degree of uncertainty as to the identification.

Now, word is the school and the police are leaning hard on the DFL to replace the valuable laptops stolen during the convention.

When and if this story develops further and more info comes my way, it will be published on Johnny Northside Dot Com as quickly as possible. Yes, this blog does have the name of the Mayoral campaign in question but I am not publishing it until I have further detailed info, THEREFORE I WIILL NOT PUBLISH COMMENTS WHICH POINT THE FINGER AT ANY PARTICULAR MAYORAL CAMPAIGN.

Do Not Adjust Your Screen--These Photos Taken In "Dollhouse Crazy-O-Vision"

Photo By John Hoff

This blog recently reported the details of the Mayor's and City Council's swearing-in, click here, including the very odd detail of Mr. Tore Simonsen, and his obsessed fixation with the television series "Dollhouse." (Click here for Simonson's blog)

Simonsen was passing out these handwritten "calling cards" at the inauguration.

One guest at the inauguration said Simsonsen gave her "the heebee jeebees."

To which I say: trust your instincts, girl.

(Do not click "Read More")

Don Samuels Looks Forward To Continued Progress In NoMi...

Following his swearing-in yesterday, Council Member Don Samuels made some videotaped remarks, vowing to continue the progress North Minneapolis has been making in the last few years, with a focus on the well-being of children in terms of their education and safety.

Inside his small office--very plain except for the display of numerous action figures which Don either designed or accumulated during his time as a toy designer-- Samuels displayed some souvenirs of his last time in office, including bullets which came from...

...a single shooting incident, displayed in a glass right next to a brick from the demolition of the notorious Big Stop store. Somewhere in the office there is also a brick from the former Uncle Bill's store, a.ka. Uncle Lennie's. 



Fortunately, shootings and crime-ridden "inconvenience stores" are becoming increasingly rare in North Minneapolis as revitalization rolls inexorably forward.



Above, State Representative Bobby Jo Champion congratulates Samuels.



A framed Star Tribune article on the wall harkens back to the time when Don Samuels went on a fast to draw attention to the crime problem in North Minneapolis, and the need for public officials to do something. The fast was sparked by an incident in which a toddler was shot and injured. Ironically, the 19-month-old girl who was the catalyst for Don to go on this fast is actually the niece of Kenya McKnight, who ran against Samuels in the last election...producing an abysmal vote total.

The picture is an interesting composite of characters. Please note Mayor Rybak during his first term without a gray hair on his head. Also pictured is Chief Dolan, who was then Inspector Dolan of the Fourth Precinct. The female on the left is Sharon Lubinski, who is now Assistant Chief, but was recently appointed U.S. Marshall for the District of Minnesota.



Above, Samuels displays the rope which held up his tent during his July of 2003 fasting vigil in the Jordan Neighborhood.



Above, Don Samuels with his daughter, Saina. (Pronounced "Zay-nah") 



Don posing with his family after the swearing-in. The young woman on the left is Asante Samuels, who is in that "too cool to be seen with my parents" phase. (No matter how good her parents are at fighting crime!) Word is Asante is going to have some instructional cooking videos up on YouTube in the near future, which will feature both Asante and her father. I've had some pastries baked by Asante and she is an excellent cook.

Congratulations, again, Don and we're looking forward to you fulfilling your promise to work EVEN HARDER in the next four years to keep making our neighborhood better.

Mayor Rybak Highlights North Minneapolis Progress In Inauguration Speech...

At his inauguration speech yesterday, Mayor Rybak spoke about how--four years ago--a decision was made to concentrate on making life better in North Minneapolis, and how that effort is paying off handsomely. Here is video of that portion of Rybak's speech.

(Do not click "Read More")

STORY IN PHOTOS: Mayor And New Council Members Sworn In...

Contributed photos xoxo, blog post by John Hoff

This morning, elected and (mostly) re-elected Minneapolis City Council Members were sworn in at City Hall. The swearing-in itself was surprisingly brief, according to a source (Megan Goodmundson) who was present at the invitation of Council Member Don Samuels.

The program went from 9:30 to 10:30, and included a welcome speech by Addisalem Tesfaye, who is an Ethiopian immigrant and a graduate of the "Step Up Intern" program. There was an invocation by Rev. Mariann Budde of St. John the Episcopal Church, and music by the City-County Choir. Speeches were made by...


...Council Member Barb Johnson, who was unanimously re-elected Council President shortly afterward, and also Mayor Rybak, who went out of his way to highlight the progress made in North Minneapolis during the last four years.


Above, "Step Up Intern" Graduate Addisalem Tesfaye gives welcoming remarks, and talks about how--in Ethiopia--her family wasn't privileged enough for her to be educated beyond 4th Grade. The day her mother told her she was moving to Minnesota, she was so excited because she knew her life would be changing forever.
The City-County Choir played The Star Spangled Banner and Let There Be Peace On Earth. 

Above, MPD Chief Dolan, whose incredible victory over crime made the re-election of so many city council incumbents possible. FOR GOD'S SAKE, RE-APPOINT THIS MAN!
The program for the city council swearing-in. Simulated parchment...ooooooo! Better put that in the scrap book.


An honor guard of police escorted the American and state flags to the swearing-in. How ironic that, only several days before, this city government enabled the senseless destruction of the home of Pauline Fjelde, who embroidered the first Minnesota state flag.

A view, looking up, of the spectacular interior of City Hall.

Barb Johnson gives inaugural remarks after the swearing-in. The oath--pictured in the very top picture--was administered by Minneapolis City Clerk Steve Ristuben.

In the background of the event, being quiet and unobtrusive, Officer Mark Klukow provides security to make sure there are no Al-Flowers-style disruptions of the proceedings. Notably, an actual mental case named Tore Simonsen was present. (Please note, I am NOT writing in the sarcasm font) Simonsen has a blog obsessively dedicated to a television program named "Dollhouse" and showed up to tell public officials about the need to save the program, handing out playing cards upon which he had written his blog address on and the words "SAVE DOLLHOUSE." The show is about people who have their minds erased and get "programmed" as a whole new person. Here is a link to Simonsen's post about the inauguration, and here is a link to a post about his mental health records.

Speaking as a former military psych tech, I just want to say...this guy needs to be monitored. End of editorial.

Fortunately, the day went off on schedule, without a hitch. Our city appears to be on the right track, and hopefully we can keep building on the momentum of change.

Johnny Northside "Gloves Are Off" Post-Election Analysis

Contributed photo


Walking to Cub Foods today, to buy some cage-free organic eggs, walking around unafraid of street crime, practically skipping and jumping with love for my rapidly-improving NoMi neighborhood, I picked up a copy of a not-very-widely-read North Minneapolis publication printed on overly-slick, too-glossy paper kind of like a porno magazine. Careful not to drop my eggs, I flipped through some old articles about candidates in the Fifth Ward city council election.

"Geez," I thought. "What a crude axe job on Don Samuels. Good thing I didn't read this BEFORE the election, because it would really irk me."

While scrambling my eggs, sizzle sizzle, I found myself basking (yes, BASKING) in the post-election world of FOUR MORE YEARS OF DON SAMUELS, WOO HOO!!!!!!!

How Many Years, Don? FOUR MORE YEARS, DON!

Well, I don't want to be a "sore winner" and go on about the crushed, defeated hopes and dreams of the losers--losers who said terrible, ugly, untrue things about Don Samuels--but those articles in The Sentinel really got me going. And even though I was holding back, even being a little bit lazy and procrastinating, I decided over that plate of scrambled eggs that it was time to do the JOHNNY NORTHSIDE "GLOVES ARE OFF" POST-ELECTION ANALYSIS.

So here we go...

Let's start with Lennie Chism, so Lennie can actually be first at something, for once. Lennie appeared to be playing the role of "bad cop" in this election, saying the kind of mean stuff Natalie Johnson-Lee couldn't say, because lord knows it didn't work for her in the last election. Yeah, let's just leave Lennie by the roadside for a moment, and talk about Natalie for a second (or, as the Sentinel called her, "Natvalie.")

Isn't it about time "Natvalie" found something better to do with her life than run against Don Samuels? I just thank god for heavy rain on election day, so people driving along Broadway didn't have to endure the sight of "Natvalie" holding a campaign sign and doing the bah-donk-a-donk for passing cars. I wasn't here four years ago to see it myself, but I've heard the stories.

In any case, what's the most amazing about "Natvalie's" campaign is that she basically used the same tactics, the same arguments that failed four years before. You know that old saying about fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me? Well, what about when you manage to fool yourself twice into thinking you can win? HELLO, she couldn't beat Don in HER OWN WARD after she'd been in office for FOUR YEARS and he was the NEWBIE TO THE FIFTH WARD. So what made her think she could beat Don after she'd been gone four years and CRIME WAS DOWN FORTY PERCENT? That's the kind of delusion which requires more than just a mental reassessment, but may call for actual psychotropic meds. I'm just saying.

Now let's say a word or two about Roger Smithrud. I tell you...

Roger Smithrud has class. And, I might add, good sense. On election night, he came to Don's victory party and reportedly scored more than one slice of pizza after congratulating Don. I picture that scene like something out of The Godfather. First, lay down the Italian opera soundtrack. Then in comes Roger, hat in hand, a terrified look on his face. He approaches Don, trying not to grovel but he's quaking inside. He says, "Don...Don...I don't know what I was thinking, trying to oppose you. I must have been crazy. My no-good slumlord brother, he put me up to it. Please, don't make me meet you at the Butter Roll Bakery. I'll be loyal from now on. I promise. I SWEAR IT--!"

And Don pats Roger on the cheek and says, "Roger...you think I thought for a minute you could hurt me? Roger, you amuse me. It's good, you coming around like this to show respect. Roger, have yourself some pizza. And, oh, hey...I like your hat. Can I have your hat? Thanks, Roger. This is kind of a trophy. I'll put it right next to the brick I got from Uncle Lennie's."

What's really funny about Roger Smithrud is that here's a guy who complained in the pages of The Sentinel about how he couldn't even swing enough time off from work to run a real campaign. And yet his vote totals--minor as they were--still blew Lennie Chism out of the water. And this with Insight News saying nice stuff about Lennie, virtually ignoring Roger.

Oh, yeah, let's talk about Insight News for a moment. This publication did everything in its power to promote Kenya McKnight, including having its publisher--Al McFarlane--speak so long and glowingly of Kenya at the Fifth Ward DFL Convention that there was hardly time for Kenya HERSELF to speak. At times, Kenya seemed almost like the CREATION of Insight News. Gee, I'd sure love to see the campaign expense reports showing who actually paid for all those large "dead tree" ads for Kenya in the pages of Insight News.

But when the rubber met the road, and those who actually SHOWED UP at the polls cast their votes, Kenya had a paltry 15.6 percent of the vote. In fact, she had less votes than 500, the magic number of residents on her so-called "petition" allegedly supporting her run for office.

First of all, this embarrassing public episode shows you what an endorsement from Insight News is worth. Second, Kenya needs to rethink who she lets into her life to advise her and put her up to stuff. Here's free advice to Kenya: go finish up your college degree before you try to run a major metropolitan area. The cringe-worthy misspellings on your Facebook page alone are a good reason to go back to school. And, really, why was Kenya running anyway when she knew the whole thing was rigged by the Queen of England? (Click here if you don't follow what I'm alluding to)

But back to Insight News and Lennie Chism. Insight News praised Lennie as somebody who brought new "firepower" to the contest in the Fifth Ward. OK, so let's talk about Lennie and "firepower." Lennie is a documented abuser of women whose ownership and possession of firearms anywhere in the United States--and Native American nations--is prohibited by law. So the idea of Lennie and "firepower" isn't even legal to have in the same sentence. Is this the kind of "insight" which this publication delivers to the community? Praise for a woman-abuser because their blind hatred of Don Samuels is so strong? I weep for the trees sacrificed to publish their evil gibberish about city council elections. (I will draw the distinction between their abysmal election coverage and their coverage of other stuff, some of which is actually useful and informative though still hardly worth the trees)

Last of the last, let's talk about the mayoral race. Mayor Rybak's tactic of not wasting time on a campaign against fringe opponents paid off handsomely for all of us. The mayor kept this great city running and didn't needlessly waste energy on an election that was already sewed up tighter than a professionally-rolled blunt. (Al Flowers...cough cough) The mayor's opponents were left to stew in the gut-wrenching bile of their own irrelevancy and whine about how the mayor wasn't running a real campaign against a motley grab bag of pity-inducing also-rans.

Mayoral candidate Al "I Am The Community" Flowers predicted he was running second in the mayoral race. In fact, he was third. Way third. When his votes were counted, Al Flowers had four percent. I say again, AL FLOWERS HAS GOT FOUR PERCENT. For those who aren't already familiar with the many North Minneapolis in-jokes about notorious loon Al Flowers, here is one of them: Al Flowers showing up at the JACC press conference, and yelling, "I got FOUR PEOPLE says you was illegal..." Over and over he shouts "I got FOUR people." So when people want to imitate or parody Al Flowers (and people often do) what do they say?

I GOT FOUR PEOPLE--!

Well, what does Al actually have? FOUR PERCENT OF THE VOTE.

Four percent of the vote and a couple bucks will get you a ride on the bus, but that still won't take you to the imaginary intersection of West Broadway and Colfax.

But enough about losers. Let's talk about winning. North Minneapolis (NoMi) just won another four years of unstoppable revitalization. Ironically, the folks who will benefit the most are the ones who were the most vulnerable to the hateful snake oil being sold by shysters like Lennie Chism. Thanks to Don Samuels, jobs and development are coming here, as well as higher-quality housing as slumlords are forced to provide the rental housing equivalent of good customer service. Children who were born into a tough neighborhood might yet live long enough to find themselves in a cool neighborhood, a fun neighborhood, a safe and prosperous place where everybody wants to be. They might take on a new sense of identity and make something of their lives instead of dying on a corner in hail of bullets.

Rumor has it a collective cheer went up inside the election office when the Samuels votes were totaled on the second round. It was like DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD because so many people at city hall couldn't bear the thought of working with Natalie Johnson-Lee. That collective cheer has rippled across our neighborhood, and our city, and as we remake our neighborhood the day is coming when the cheers for Don Samuels will spread across the country and the world. This is NoMi, and the future of NoMi is no longer in doubt.

We've passed the tipping point. We've tipped toward urban utopia.

Johnny Northside Blog Endorses Rybak, Samuels, Hofstede And, Oh Yes, Michael Guest...

Photo And Blog Post By John Hoff

In the manner of any other media entity, the Johnny Northside blog chooses to exercise the right to formally endorse political candidates for office. In the manner of a grassroots blog, I choose to print a photo of Diane Hofstede posing with a sausage...

Jeff Skrenes--who is both a private citizen AND the Hawthorne Housing Director--once said, "There is no good way to pose for a photograph while holding a sausage." It is unknown in which capacity Skrenes said that--Housing Director or private citizen. If I had to take a guess, I'd say...

Private citizen.

In any case, the image above was taken about a month ago at a backyard bonfire in the Hawthorne Eco Village where Council Member Diane Hofstede showed up in response to an invitation, that night giving many hours of her time to both casual conversation and policy discussion while my son, Alex, helped tend to the fire.

This is what we do in NoMi. We sit in our backyards, eating and drinking with our "band of brothers" neighborhood buddies and talking about how to improve our surroundings. Much comes of these discussions. It was wonderful of Hofstede to join us and hopefully we'll see her (and her amiable, engaging husband!) more frequently.

But back to the sausage...

The sausage was made by the husband of "the Polish lady," a highly-skilled artisan of meat. For a while this spring, it seemed like every time a decrepit old building got demolished, the Polish lady would come out in her yard to give sausage to both myself and Jeff Skrenes. I remember one early cold morning when that sausage was the only breakfast I had, since so many volunteer hours were being poured into the Eco Village. I posed with Jeff for a photo (both of us waving our sausages) and for ages that photo was my Facebook profile image. It is, therefore, right and fitting that Diane Hofstede receive one of these coveted and symbolic sausages. Our neighborhood has improved by leaps and bounds under her term in office, bouncing back from a foreclosure crisis which was the result of NATIONAL policies, not LOCAL control. Hofstede can't be blamed for the foreclosure crisis, but should get credit for her response.

In politics, there is a natural tendency for voters to reward incumbents when things seem to be going well, and to punish incumbents when things are going badly. This is not always fair, since many things which impact citizens are beyond the control of any particular public official. However, the incredible drop in crime experienced in Minneapolis--particularly North Minneapolis--appears to be a direct result of work by individuals like Rybak, Samuels, and Hofstede. When public officials do well, they deserve to be re-elected and we NEED them to be re-elected.

So, first and foremost, this blog endorses Rybak, Samuels, and Hofstede because of the incredible drop in crime and their work in the wake of the foreclosure crisis.

Secondly, none of these officials have any competition worthy to be their replacements. Rybak is facing a cast of cartoon characters so motley and depressing they remind me of group therapy sessions at the psychiatric facilities where I used to make a living. These opponents of Rybak don't need your vote so much as they need some meaningful purpose in their otherwise empty lives, with the exception of one candidate--You Know Who--who should be sedated and tagged with some kind of tracking device.

Nobody can blame Rybak for refusing to debate opponents when one of those opponents is infamous for outrageous, physically frightening behavior. There is debate enough in the media. The fact all of these opponents COMBINED don't have enough political jack to force the mayor into a face-to-face debate is all-too-revealing. Let this blog be the first to make this statement:

Congratulations, Mayor Rybak, on your re-election Tuesday, November 3. You deserved it!

Now as for Ward 5 City Council Member Don Samuels...

Like Rybak, Don Samuels is up against an unspectacular field of shrill political midgets, one of which is facing charges for an incident (allegedly) involving a violent altercation with his mistress. None of Samuels' opponents is worthy to hang up Don Samuels' coat at the Peace Foundation ball and--in desperation--they have resorted to crude, disgusting race-baiting rhetoric which didn't work in the last Ward 5 election, and likely won't work in this one. So, I have to wonder, what's up with that? Why would you use tactics that don't work TWICE? Did somebody skip Political Science 101?

Samuels has won the endorsement of Congressman Keith Ellison as well as the Star Tribune. Not only does this blog ENDORSE Don Samuels, but I predict a VICTORY MARGIN of 20 percent or more.

I regret that I, personally, will be driving a great big International box truck on election night, probably somewhere in Illinois. Please, somebody take a big swig of victory booze for Johnny Northside and mention my name. I'll be there in spirit.

One of Samuels' opponents (the one facing charges for alleged violence against a woman) said Samuels doesn't care about "the woman on the corner with three kids and no job."

However, Samuels has been overwhelmingly successful in bringing businesses to North Minneapolis which will create jobs and, furthermore, the Peace Foundation--which Don Samuels helped to start--has been directly credited by the Star Tribune as one of the factors in the steep drop in Minneapolis crime. Clearly, the mother with three kids would like her children to live in a neighborhood where bullets don't fly and hit children.

Samuels started as a neighborhood activist who cleaned up his block, driving out drug dealers. Now all of Ward 5 has become Don's block, and thank god for THAT. This blog enthusiastically endorses Don Samuels.

My endorsement for Diane Hofstede comes after much soul-searching. Realistically, Hofstede is going to win the election because she has no opponent with enough political jack to beat her.

It is true that in the past I have aired complaints of "unresponsiveness" at Hofstede's office. HOWEVER, let me say something about this whole idea of responsiveness: there is no end to the needs in Ward 3. When a politician is responsive, word gets out and guess what? More people contact the politician, wanting help. Inevitably, no "responsive" politician will be able to please everybody all of the time. It appears Hofstede took criticisms to heart which were made by myself and others, and her office is now quite responsive.

This much I know about Hofstede: she wants hookers and drug dealers out, out, out of Ward 3. She is no friend of slumlords, either, though she takes a prudent and measured approach which can cause neighborhood groups to grow impatient. But at the end of the day, things are going very well in Ward 3 and Hofstede deserves the credit, therefore Hofstede deserves re-election.

However, I would like to give an honorable mention to one of the other candidates in Ward 3, Allen Kathir. I believe Kathir will give Hofstede a run for her money.

Kathir is bright and running a professional campaign. I will give Kathir the same advice here which I gave him at a backyard bonfire: Allen, you are not a home owner. You RENT, for crying out loud. Constituents want a city council member who has committed themselves to the ward through home ownership and who doesn't answer to a landlord. I mean, they're called land LORDS for a reason. Somebody with that much power over a city council member might be inclined to use it.

Nope, I don't want my city council member answering to a landlord any more than I'd want my president answering to a pope. (Addendum: I hasten to point out, it's not a question of a person's FAITH but whether the person takes direct and specific marching orders, whether somebody has TOO MUCH POWER over that person. I assert that a landlord--ANY landlord--would have too much power over a city council person living under their rented roof. "President answering to a pope" was just the first controversial metaphor which came out of the mental bag)

Furthermore, Allen, you haven't been around long enough. You should BUY A HOME (prices have never been better!) join your local neighborhood association, and put in about half a decade of work to gain a reputation as a grassroots neighborhood activist. Pick some kind of difficult local project or problem and work tirelessly on that issue.

When the issue is solved, you will have a reputation as "the guy who tackled Problem XYZ," kind of like everybody knows Don Samuels cleaned up his own part of Ward 5. This kind of activism at the neighborhood level is the traditional path to a seat on the city council.

Allen, your work on civil rights doesn't quite reach a level of recognition within the neighborhoods of Ward 3. All the same, I hope you do VERY WELL on election night, simply because I hope you will stick around and run for more offices and put your energy and intelligence into bettering our city. Hofstede is a known commodity, and I feel safer with her because, for one thing, I feel I can read her attitudes about the police. But I'm not sure about yours, Allen. I feel like you're being much too careful about what you say, and if elected you may hamper effective police work in North Minneapolis with attitudes like those of Melissa Hill.

(Let the record reflect I would NEVER throw an ACTUAL tomato at Melissa Hill, nor any other vegetable, and there is no reason for the notoriously-excitable Farheen Hakeem to think otherwise)

Finally, my endorsement of Park Board candidate Michael Guest rests on different criteria. Parks are getting a raw deal, and this city needs somebody energetic and clever to shake up the dismal park situation. Michael Guest managed to get the endorsement of FORMER VICE PRESIDENT WALTER MONDALE. I mean, wow, how did a candidate for A LOCAL PARK BOARD pull off something like THAT?

Expect the best. Vote for Michael Guest.

On a final note: Come election night, Ward 5 needs every kind of poll watcher who can be rounded up to be available and observing action at the polls. When losers get desperate, they resort to cheating. Some of the candidates opposing Don Samuels already have signs posted at vacant houses, so who is to say VOTES may not come from those same addresses? Ward 5 already witnessed an incredible, vicious, bitter battle during the DFL endorsement process, click here.

Yes, you might "expect the best" and vote for Michael Guest, but when it comes to angry, unprofessional candidates like Kenya McKnight expect the WORST.

Call your friends. Call your neighbors. Ferry troops to the polls and keep an eye on those polls, for our lives really do depend on the outcome of this election.

ALL OUT ALL OUT ALL OUT FOR ELECTION DAY TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 3!!!!!!!!!!!

Al Flowers Is "Thinking About Backing Out Of The Mayoral (Fill In The Blank)"

Photo From (notorious loon) Al Flowers Public Facebook Page

As of two hours ago, Mayoral Candidate (Of Crazy Town) Al Flowers had the following on his Facebook page:

"Let's support Al Flowers, who is thinking about backing out of the Mayoral race."

Here is a link to his page, click here. Now would be a good time to support Al by telling him it's ok to back out of the Mayoral Race and get on with more important matters, like earning enough money to pay his water bill in a timely fashion.

I might add this REALLY TICKS ME OFF. I am, like, apparently one day away from some super hot Al Flowers info, and it won't be nearly as much fun if he's not actually in the race. (To the degree he's "in the race" at all)

ADDENDUM: Al Flowers has now changed his Facebook status and claims he is NOT backing out of the race. Printouts exist of the old status before it was changed. What gives? Is this his idea of "truth to the people?" Saying one thing and then fibbing about whether he ever said it?

ADDENDUM: Situation is now that Don Allen called to tell me Al was thinking of backing out of the Mayoral DEBATE, not the Mayoral RACE. I am looking into these matters and hope to get the matter clarified soon. Al Flowers--who speaks of "medium income" and building more "lie-berries" has never been especially well known for crystal clear communication. Whether he's in the DEBATE or in the RACE the result will be the same: Rybak by a landslide, and a small, motley group of Al Flowers hangers-on moping in Farheen Hakeem's backyard on election night.

ADDENDUM: I now have access to a copy of the FB screen shot, and it's funny as can be: Flowers raving about how do these rumors get started, right above a post saying he's thinking about backing out of the Mayoral RACE, which Al had apparently not yet figured out how to delete.

"Truth to the people" indeed. How about "Facebook literacy to the people"?

(Do not click "Read More")

JNS BLOG EXCLUSIVE: Get Yer Al Flowers Bingo Card RIGHT HERE!

Contributed Photo, next time use the ZOOM

Four words: Al Flowers Bingo Card.

Need I say more? Click here to download a PDF file of the Al Flowers bingo card, and be sure to bring it to future (poorly attended) press conferences held at imaginary NoMi intersections. The photo above shows Al Flowers at "where the intersection would be of Colfax and West Broadway, if something like that actually existed."

The Minneapolis Mirror was at the Al Flowers thing as usual, acting as though Flowers' rhetorical slop bucket was a banquet of brilliance. (Oh, Mr. Flowers, give me your gritty wisdom of the streets! Cleanse me from my left-of-liberal guilt! I'M NOT WORTHY! I'M NOT WORTHY!)

By the way, word is the intersection of Broadway Ave. N. and Colfax Ave. N. is kind of like Platform 9 and 3/4 at King's Cross Station in the popular Harry Potter Books. If the thought of Al Flowers as mayor is scary, imagine AL FLOWERS WITH MAGIC POWERS!

(Do not click "Read More")

Al Flowers Announces Press Conference At Imaginary Intersection...

Stock Photo, Al "I Am The Community" Flowers

Word comes from Hawthorne Housing Director Jeff Skrenes that "Mayoral Candidate" Al Flowers called a press conference today, putting out word the conference would be at the intersection of Broadway and Colfax.

For those unfamiliar with North Minneapolis (NoMi) there is no place where Colfax intersects with (West) Broadway. Al Flowers loves to constantly insert himself into North Minneapolis matters but, well, he lives in SOUTH Minneapolis (SoMi) and this is one of the times it really showed.

Other than that, I'm told...


Al "I Am The Community" Flowers is sticking to his grammar guns, and insisting on the phrase "medium income" rather than "median." He also accused Rybak of not being willing to debate. Gee, I seem to recall there was an incident where Rybak was doing a press conference in North Minneapolis, and got verbally heckled and driven off by Reverend Al MacAfee and...

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

AL FLOWERS!!!

So why should Rybak debate Flowers, when Flowers already showed how uncivil Flowers will be to Rybak? Plus there's that thing about Al Flowers shoving City Councilman Don Samuels from behind, and then suing SAMUELS for (alleged) premeditated, first degree toe stepping.

So why would Mayor Rybak come NEAR a back-shoving nutcase like Al Flowers, let alone have a debate with him? When Lennie Chism debates Chipper the Entrepreneurial Squirrel, that might be the day Mayor Rybak should condescend to debate a no-chance loser like Al Flowers, whose actions are so outrageous Flowers borders on being an imaginary character; like the boogey man.

More Images From "One Man Minneapolis," Officer Mark Klukow Brings Victory To NoMi...

Photos By John Hoff

Here are some photos from last night's "One Man Minneapolis" pageant, where Officer Mark Klukow swept to victory while talking up all the deep, positive changes in North Minneapolis. (NoMi)

In the first photo, the brightly lit...

...bar at the entrance of the Pantages Theater, as photographed from above. You enter the theater and the first thing you see is a place to get a drink. And then stuff just gets MORE fun from that point.

In the next two photos, details of the amazing Pantages Theater. In the next photo, the interesting stage decoration for One Man Minneapolis. My first thought was, "Oh, cool, let's SET IT ON FIRE and then run around naked while painted blue!" And then I realized, oh, gee...that's a different event. That's "Burning Man" in the Southwest United States.

NEVER MIND.

In the next image, one of the impressively-dressed ushers circulates a ballot box. One of the women who attended the event with me lobbied a couple of guys seated behind us to vote for Mark Klukow, describing his program to give away bike helmets to kids. At the last minute, at least one more vote was swayed to Klukow. The process was very much like a political caucus, as audience members whose "candidate" didn't make it into the list of finalists became "uncommitted delegates." All the cheering for Klukow by his tightly-knit group of supporters helped create a "bandwagon" effect, propelling Klukow to victory.

In the next photo, Mayor Rybak. His work is never done. Even at this social event, numerous individuals approached, shook his hand, and then mentioned some city issue. I was no exception to the rule, approaching and then telling Rybak how phone book dumping continues to plague North Minneapolis despite some purported reforms by the phone book industry. The Mayor said this issue was frustrating and he would continue to stay on top of it.

In the next photo, Sonda Samuels, who runs the Peace Foundation. This photo was taken shortly after word that Mark Klukow had won, so the Peace Foundation would be getting a $1,000 donation. In the next image, Klukow receives congratulations from supporters after his victory.

Some time after the pageant was done but the theater was still full of people, there was a moment when anarchy descended and anybody could grab the oversized check and pose with it. This young woman said how she'd ALWAYS WANTED TO HAVE HER PICTURE TAKEN WITH AN OVERSIZED CHECK. So, for a moment, she stole the identity of Mark Klukow and posed like the night's big winner.

After the pageant, an "after party" next door featured "man-tini" drinks. Since I was a designated driver, I only took a little sip of a "man-tini." It was a little bit more fruity than my idea of a martini, but quite nice.

EXCLUSIVE VIDEO: Officer Mark Klukow Brings Victory To NoMi, Wins One Man Minneapolis Pageant...

Last night in the jam-packed Pantages Theater, Officer Mark Klukow brought a victory back for NoMi when he beat a crowded field of strong contenders and won the "One Man Minneapolis" man pageant. Each of the men represented a charity. Klukow represented the Peace Foundation, headquartered in North Minneapolis and run by Sondra Samuels, the wife of Fifth Ward City Councilman Don Samuels.

This video--shot without a tripod using somebody else's camera, my apologies--shows the moment when Klukow was announced as the winner. Mayor Rybak pointed out that here in Minneapolis, we don't just consider whether a man is good looking, we also ask what they are giving back to their community.

(Do not click "Read More")

HUD Secretary Donovan Visit Was A Triumph For NoMi...

Photos By John Hoff

There are people like Mike Martin of the Fourth Precinct and Council Member Don Samuels who work hard every day to improve our quality of life in NoMi, but don't receive the kind of public credit they deserve. So when HUD Secretary Donovan visited along with Senator Klobuchar, it was a rare moment for these public officials to briefly bask in the limelight of the national stage before, well, getting right back to work.

Bask, I say, bask. I hope Donovan's visit went so well that President Obama finds his way to Jordan's Cottage Park in the near future; though I think the Hawthorne Eco Village is an equally-deserving success story.

In a spirit of appreciation for our local public officials who worked day after day to make a triumph like yesterday possible...

Here are a bunch of photos which basically say: WELL DONE, PUBLIC OFFICIALS.

In the top two photos, Council Member Don Samuels and Mike Christiansen of CPED talk to a youth clean-up crew about positive changes coming to the neighborhood and the need to stay in school. In the next photo, the Secretary's entourage makes its way up the sidewalk led by a gaggle of media.

In the next two photos, a little girl spoke to the Secretary and other public officials, talking about how she loves her neighborhood. The moment stole everybody's heart. In the last photo, Fourth Precinct Commander Mike Martin pulled up in his vehicle long enough to meet Secretary Donovan, but very quickly he was right back in the car and presumably off doing the kind of "cop stuff" which helped bring about a moment like this in the first place.

Donovan's visit was not only a triumph for North Minneapolis, but for the Obama administration. The money from the stimulus package is being spent wisely and well to fix the problems brought on by the mortgage foreclosure crisis. Cottage Park has gone from being a gang-infested hellhole to a photo op for public officials.

And yet none of us can rest on our laurels. We got here one small action at a time; whether that's making a 311 call, supporting the efforts of police, or attending yet another booooooring neighborhood meeting. Yesterday's triumph is widely shared.

But, clearly, we can't rest on our laurels...or we'll never see the day when President Obama tours North Minneapolis, or Mayor Rybak announces he's moving here, or the vacant houses fill up with first time home buyers. Yesterday was a high point. Now we have to keep climbing.

Al Flowers Promises More "Lie-berries" But Comes In Third In Two-Way Race With Mayor Rybak...

Contributed Photo, And Thank God For That

The Star Tribune kept an oh-so-straight face today when reporting on the results of the recent citywide DFL convention, which handily endorsed Mayor Rybak up against only Al "I-Am-The-Community" Flowers, charitably described in the STrib as a "community activist" but widely regarded as an unstable nutcase heckler-at-large.

A little birdie sent me some of the more entertaining details of the convention, stuff that didn't make it into the STrib like, oh gee, the actual freaking vote numbers.

Here they are...

Mayor R.T. Rybak, 75 Percent (591 votes)
No Endorsement, 16.2 Percent (128 votes)
Al FLowers, 8.8 Percent (69 votes)

My source put it this way: Al Flowers must have been running as some kind of anti-anti-establishment candidate, because he lost to the anti-establishment "No Endorsement" vote.

Reportedly, during his speech, Al Flowers talked about building "lie-berries." One participant in the convention, texting at that moment, wondered if the "lie-berries" would be for the "medium income" (sic) people Al Flowers often talks about. This bout of texting during the speech of Al Flowers caused fears among a handful of delegates that they might pee their pants laughing.

I was told (but have not confirmed it) this is the first time in the history of Minneapolis that a "question and answer session" has been skipped at this kind of convention. To which I say: those who say "first time in history" are usually talking about their own historical memory, and assuming or inferring much from that. When an actual historian tells me, then I might believe it. They say those who do not study history are condemned to repeat it, but so often "repeat it" just means "repeat what somebody else said about it."

Johnny Northside approaches all "first time in history" claims with deep cynicism.

In any case...

Hopefully, Al Flowers will stay in the race for comic relief, which is sorely needed during this recession.

ADDENDUM: Total ballots, 788. Spoiled ballots, 14.

Don Samuels Gives A "Stand Up And Say Hallelujah" Speech At Ackerberg Group Groundbreaking In NoMi

North Minneapolis marketing expert Pat Carney forwarded a link to numerous images he captured at yesterday's groundbreaking ceremony at 1200 Broadway, click here, part of exciting redevelopment and revitalization by the Ackerberg Group. No doubt some of the...

...movers and shakers who were present will be wanting images of themselves.

For those involved in their neighborhood associations, and other groups working toward massive revitalization, life in NoMi continues to be endless socialization, soirees, elbow-rubbing with big wigs, and delightful free refreshments; these pleasurable moments periodically punctuated by gritty struggle, click here for a good example.

According to both Pat Carney and Realtor Connie Nompelis, (No-bell-iss) Councilman Don Samuels was in fine form, and gave a rousing speech. Carney called it a "stand up and say hallelujah" speech. Nompelis said Samuels talked about how he always believed in North Minneapolis, and had for years, and now the prediction was coming to pass as evidenced by rampant revitalization. Therefore now was not the time to stand on the sidelines, but to believe and to buy property in North Minneapolis.

Has this blog mentioned how much NoMi wants Mayor Rybak to buy his next house in our neighborhood? Oh, yes, I think I did, click here. Right now, I'd settle for definitive word that Mayor Rybak is LOOKING at houses in North Minneapolis, and what neighborhoods are catching the mayor's eye.

If you're unhappy that you missed the Ackerberg Group soiree (like I did!) don't worry, there are two exciting NoMi social events happening on Saturday. Details will follow in my next two blog posts.