Mayor Rybak: NoMi Is Waiting To Welcome You!

Photo By John Hoff

I will never forget where I was when I first heard Mayor Rybak was selling his house. It was right after the Hawthorne Executive Board Meeting last night, in the front seat of Connie's little red sports car, in the parking lot of the "Secured Gas Station" (Winner Gas) at West Broadway and Lyndale...

A cop car was in plain sight, the officer apparently working security inside, but Connie was still hesitant to leave the safety of her vehicle. So she sent ME inside to buy two packs of Camels. Yeah, great, the brand that killed my Dad of lung cancer, pancreatic cancer, liver cancer, and prostate cancer.

All at once.

(Hey, at least he outlived all the shrapnel left in his body)

Anyway, I came back outside with the two packs in hand, and Connie was all, like, MAYOR RYBAK IS SELLING HIS HOUSE!!! She'd just read it off her Blackberry.

"Where's he moving?" I asked, casually.

"HE DOESN'T KNOW YET!!!!" she answered.

"Oh...my...god!!!!" we said, pretty much together. And then: WE HAVE TO GET RYBAK TO MOVE TO NOMI!!!!!!!!!!

Mayor Rybak, here are some of the many advantages of moving to NOMI. First of all, you won't get better housing bargains anywhere in the city on classic homes with character.

You can take that $700k or whatever you're getting for your OTHER house, and use it to retire in style. (No time soon, though)

Meanwhile, you can buy a house in NoMi for very little money, fix it up, and watch your equity grow as all the grand plans you've told us about--and they are grand, they are glorious, they are the bright utopia upon which we fix our tired gaze in moments of gritty urban struggle--come to fruition.

Imagine what people will say! THAT MAYOR RYBAK, HE WALKS THE WALK. Mayor, your mere PRESENCE will decrease crime within--I estimate--a four block area. There will quickly be a "ripple effect" of like-minded people copying your example, reasoning that if it's good enough for Mayor Rybak, maybe now really is the time to buy, buy, buy in NOMI. (Also, houses here are so affordable you can easily buy one BEFORE selling the other one)

Now, truthfully, so far you don't have much of a political opponent this year. A ham sandwich could beat Al Flowers on election day, even with wilted lettuce and no mayo.

But I say NO MERCY IN THE POLITICAL ARENA, at least not for a nut job like Al Flowers who heckles, disrupts, literally shoves from behind.

Mayor Rybak, now is your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to rack up the election day vote score as high as possible for the history books. Sure, you've got the rest of Minneapolis sewn up, as long as you don't murder somebody before the election, but why not take all the votes in North Minneapolis, too? Now THAT would be a political mandate.

Consider: If Al "I Am The Community" Flowers can pick up a few stray votes anywhere, it's probably in NOMI. He's got FOUR VOTES FOR SURE up here, not counting his own.

Well, I say take away even those four votes: move to NOMI so the residents of this neighborhood--who have hung on for so long, endured so much, dreamed such big dreams for so long--will vote for a mayor who boldly walks the walk, throwing in his lot with the muddy troops fighting the revitalization battle here at "Ground Zero."

Personally, I'm partial to the Hawthorne Neighborhood and since I've got this blog, well, I can shout ALMOST as loud as Al Flowers.

But I'm not going to shout. I'm going to sing!!!!

Well, sort of. Here's a little song for you, Mayor Rybak. Click here for video. (Check out what the star of this video is carrying in his hands!)