Champagne And A Cigar As 415 31st Ave. N. Gets Bulldozed

Photos (top to bottom) by John Hoff, Jake of 612 Authentic, John Hoff

Rumor had it 415 31st Ave. N--the house made infamous by the groundbreaking lawsuit against CitiMortgage, and all the publicity associated with it--would meet its fate next Monday. Fate rolled around about a week early...

I was sitting at Village Wok in Stadium Village, eating some oyster congee because it is soft and I've busted a tooth, and I have to take care of a bunch of stuff before I can see a dentist, arg. My cell phone rang--theme from Sponge Bob Square Pants ring tone--and it was Peter Teachout. He said a bulldozer was in the yard of 415 31st Ave. N.

This was significant, because the destruction of "415" was anticipated as the "finale" to Jake and Gabe's documentary, which they will wrap up and then spend the winter months editing, rather like tribes indigenous to North America spend the winter in "story telling." Peter said the bulldozer had already taken out a small tree. I thought, well, maybe he is digging up some utilities and not bulldozing the house.

"I think he's going after the house," Peter said. "Oh, wait...wait...THERE HE GOES! He just took off the back porch!"

"I'M CALLING GABE RIGHT NOW!" I said.

Ultimately, I had to get the rice congee in a "to go" container, but I managed to slog it down on the way to North Minneapolis. I learned Jeff Skrenes was en route, but had to (as he put it) "get my cigar cutter!"

Jeff Skrenes had laid plans long ago to smoke a Cuban cigar in front of "415" when it went down. While Skrenes fetched his cigar cutter, I stopped by the liquor store in Stadium Village and bought three bottles of fake champagne, two white and one red. I don't know why I got the red, actually, but when I arrived Jeff said red went with the flavor of his cigar, and grabbed the red one. I told him he better smoke that thing up or get rid of it before JoyAnne Teachout came arrived with her children.

So Jeff puffed his cigar, and we drank fake champagne, and Peter had to run off and perform some work, but he actually managed to get some video footage for Jake and Gabe. Peter's wife JoyAnne had to represent Peter at the impromptu celebration, which was also attended by the Polish Lady, keeping a light rain off her head with a pink umbrella. "Patty Cake" would have been there, but she was working.

Little Rose Teachout later asked her mom, "Where was the party?" Rose didn't think some big people talking and drinking from a bottle of fake champagne counted as the "party" she had been promised. Baby McKenna was calm as usual, taking it all in with her oddly-jaded, I've-seen-it-all-before air of casualness. McKenna didn't care for the fake champagne when she sipped a little out of a plastic cup. It made her cough. But she didn't cry.

The house at 415 31st Ave. N. made a suprisingly small pile of rubble considering how BIG the lawsuit was. One thing I noticed...there were hardly any hunks of insulation. That thing must have been a (expletive) to heat in winter.

It stood for a hundred years...I think it took about 15 minutes to reduce it to a pile of splinters.

MAKE WAY FOR THE ECO VILLAGE.