Saturday, January 10, 2009
Minneapolis Advantage Program: Mayor R.T. Rybak Calls In Massive Reinforcements In Battle To Revitalize North Minneapolis!
Wow! Ten thousand dollars in FREE MONEY for a new home in North Minneapolis...
By now, most folks who care deeply about this issue have heard about the renewed funding for the Minneapolis Advantage Grant Program, which provides incentives to individuals buying homes in--mostly--North Minneapolis. The Hawthorne Neighborhood just passed its own program called the "Hawthorne Advantage" which I will be revealing, exclusively, in my next blog post.
But in regard to Minneapolis Advantage Grants, this story in the local media, click here, does a pretty adequate job of explaining the details of the funding. Here's another story which contains other useful facts, click here.
There will be 150 grants of $10,000. One hundred of the grants will be in North Minneapolis. The remainder will be in Northeast and South Central.
There are critics of the program, such as this article in the Minneapolis Mirror, click here. (Well, really it's more of an opinion piece unhappily born into an article's body) The "journalist" who wrote this piece about "welfare for yuppies" actually pouts about not knowing the spelling of the names of individuals he is citing in his story.
To this I say...
Well, Mr. Michael Katch, you're supposed to be a journalist, or at least you're trying to pass yourself off as one on the internet.
So here's what you do, Michael.
You go up to these folks, you pull out your notepad, you say, "Excuse me, could I get your name again? How is that spelled?" Then you ask some pithy follow-up questions. That kind of thing. The journalist thing. The very basic stuff I used to teach in "Intro To News Writing, 3101."
As for the assertion "yuppies" will be using these grants and moving to North Minneapolis...be still, my foolish heart. An army of yuppies? Oh, my word, I need to buy some good quality coffee beans, an expresso machine, some Sugar In The Raw and put out a few Pottery Barn coasters and...and...
"Yuppies," you say. Mr. Katch? Great, writhing hoardes of them moving to North Minneapolis because of this Minneapolis Advantage program?
(Giddy squeal...hands clapping together...dancing a jig)
Do you have any idea what this will do to crime rates and property values, Mr. Katch?
Please, sir, you must write more articles revealing gripping details about this invasive army of yuppies...the vacant, foreclosed, boarded up houses they are invading, their expansionist yuppie hopes and dreams, their jobs and so-called "cultural values"...just, anything, any scrap of information would be useful, Mr. Katch, in this developing crisis situation impacting North Minneapolis.
"Yuppie army marches north."
Oh, my word. STOP THE PRESSES!!!!!!!!
(I've always wanted to say that)
But when you write these articles, Mr. Katch, keep a few things in mind:
Pen. Notebook. Get right up in there, all bright-eyed, and ask pointed questions instead of slouching in the back of the class, doodling the names of heavy metal bands.
Plus let's remember our "five w's and one h."
WHO. WHAT. WHEN. WHERE. WHY. HOW.
That "who" part includes getting the names, Mr. Katch.
But, you know, pretty strong work for so early in the semester. I'll give you a B minus.