Taking A Tour Of An Incredible "Stephanie Gruver House" At 4250 Fremont Ave. N.

Photo By John Hoff

The Greater Metropolitan Housing Corporation has been trying to revitalize (some might even say "save") North Minneapolis by renovation and demolition. One amazing example of their work is the house at 4250 Fremont Ave. N.

When I say "their" work, I really should give credit to the person responsible: Stephanie Gruver, who was recently the subject of a Star Tribune article.

Yesterday, I was able to tag along on a tour of this house with a couple friends who are serious buyers with serious money. Me, I'm just a guy with a digital camera and a blog...but whose firsthand account are you reading? That's right, moi.

The first thing I noticed about the location of 4250 Fremont Ave. was its proximity to a bus stop...

Even with snow on the ground, I noticed "transit litter" blowing around.

Riding On The Metro

I'm totally in favor of tax dollars being used to revitalize North Minneapolis, and not inclined to be critical. So, believe me, I'm not saying anything the average buyer wouldn't quickly figure out about the location of 4250 Fremont Ave. N.

Also, there's an apartment complex next door. It looks quiet now but I was there, what? Half an hour. Not long enough to judge.

While I was parking my vehicle, and locking up the steering wheel with my new security device, a guy waiting at the bus stop decided to casually cross social boundaries of decency and yell at me, "Nobody is going to steal your raggedy-ass van."

I took some degree of pleasure informing him the van had, in fact, been stolen only last week. He--apparently not skilled in the art of rhetoric, but clearly in possession of a strong opinion--simply repeated his statement, word-for-word. I didn't want to continue the lame discussion by pointing out how cold it was, and the fact he was waiting, endlessly, for a metro bus and amusing himself by taunting complete strangers who happened to at least possess some kind of running vehicle, which he utterly lacked.

The friend who was with me pointed out, "You haven't been here more than a few minutes, and you're already in an altercation."

So, like I was saying...the house is right at a metro bus stop. And next to an apartment.

Therefore, (apparently) to balance these obvious negatives, renovation was lavished on the house. Now some buyer is going to come along and absolutely fall in love with this place, DESPITE its proximity to an apartment complex and a bus stop where--as surely as God made little green apples--one day somebody will get robbed, raped or stabbed while waiting for a bus, and that person will come stumbling to the nearest house, (which might be 4250 Fremont) bloodied and begging to use a phone to call 911 or, possibly, asking for some kind of field dressing.

Your shirt will do. REALLY, ANYTHING TO STOP THE BLEEDING!!!!

Frankly, if I loved that house and had the money, I'd be willing to deal with performing dramatic first aid once every couple years. Because that's a great house. I have no complaints about how my tax dollars are being spent. A house like that can get a whole block rolling in a positive direction.

The House Was Better Than The Brochure

Normally, you can depend on real estate brochures to hotly hype a house but, in this case, the house was BETTER than the brochure.

"Start your day in this cozy Breakfast Nook," the brochure began. (Since when is "breakfast nook" capitalized?) "Completely remodeled kitchen with maple cabinets and high end appliances."

Yeah, those maple cabinets looked good.

I could pour 'em on pancakes and eat 'em. That good.

Now clearly appealing to Sloth, one of the Seven Deadly Sins, the cunning brochure promised, "You can just move in to this home and enjoy, nothing to update, it has all been done for you, new boiler, water heater, new security system, and new roof."

(HA!!!! Well, for your information, GMHC, some of us LIKE hunting houses in the wild with nothing but a Bowie knife and field-dressing our trophies on a snowy day!!!!)

"Huge Living Room (sic) with wood burning fireplace and sparkling hardwood floors," the brochure continued.

Well, there's something a personality like mine could get into: burning hardwood floors to stay warm in the dead of winter.

The brochure also describes this house as a "Gorgeous Camden Icon." I guess that makes me curious. How is it an "icon?" Who, exactly, worships this house? What will the next owner of 4250 Fremont Ave. N. be expected to do when mysterious hooded house-worshipers show up at the door, silently holding candles and swaying in unison?

But seriously, did somebody well-known live there? Does this "icon" of a house have some kind of cool history? My old house at 3016 6th St. N. was once owned by a Level 3 Sex Offender named Alveto Rivera. TOP THAT!!!!!!

Oh, But There's So Much More

My two friends kept gasping and pointing out features of the house, excitedly talking in real-estate lingo or flipper-ese or whatever secret language they were speaking. I mostly notice stuff like "the wine bottle in the kitchen is FRIGGING EMPTY." So I needed some help to understand the details of this GMHC renovation. One of these friends kindly followed up with a detailed email, as follows, along with my snarky remarks:

1.) On the exterior, a monogrammed address sign. I said, "Geez, that's cool, where do you order something like that?" Well, click here for a link. And, by the way, though I'll plug certain goods and services for free, one time...those companies who want me to shill extensively should, I don't know, send a check or a case of wine or something.

No, seriously. I'm a virtual harlot. And cheap.

2.) In the kitchen, the counter tops are a laminate which used to always be known as Formica but now there are several competitors. It has a beveled wood edge. The wood is about a quarter of an inch and sets at an angle at the front and top of the counter.

The appliances are stainless steel.

(Well, good...I hate stains on my appliances)

Although they aren't top-of-the-line, the appliance still look sleek and the fridge has a built-in water and ice dispenser. The kitchen has maple cabinets and the hinges are hidden for that additional sleek appearance. The cabinet knobs are brushed nickel, to match the appliances and the new breakfast nook chandelier.

(Finally, somebody who knows better than to capitalize "breakfast nook.")

3.) The living room has new 6 x 6 slate tiles surrounding the fireplace, black wrought iron staircase railing, gleaming refinished hardwood flooring. It has "Pottery Barn-style window treatments" with flowing drapery and wrought-iron draper rods.

4.) The dining room has a new oiled rubbed bronze chandelier and side lights surrounding the window.

5.) The upper level bath has new double vanities consisting of porcelain sinks and rich wood cabinetry. It has new light fixtures, towel bars and bath fixtures, new trim and bead board on the lower half of the bathroom.

6.) The basement bath is an all-new bathroom, including a new fiberglass shower, sink and vanity, and black-n-white mosaic tiles. (If they aren't real, we didn't detect it) on the floor.

It really is a beautiful home. And it's only $239,900.

Oh, heck. I have no pride when it comes to pumping the North Side: the real estate agent for the house is Tom Svendsen, 612-759-8393. You like what you're seeing, you call Tom, OK?

Also, word on the street is the "welcome wagon" packages for new home buyers include two metro passes good for a free bus ride.