Saturday, June 1, 2013

Marquail Townsend, a/k/a Mula Montana, a/k/a Shaquille Town, Charged With Burglary and Criminally Stupid Social Media Choices...

Exhibit A, criminally stupid social media choices of Marquail Townsend,
blog post by John Hoff

One of my readers (and God bless 'em, every one, like Tiny Tim said) pointed me in the direction of a guy named Marquail Townsend, charged with a run-of-the-mill neighborhood burglary attempt. But neighbors suspect he did a lot more than he's charged with doing.

So I obtained the criminal complaint about the incident, click here, and I was thinking, well, how will I illustrate this blog posting? I was just about to snap a stock photo of an air conditioner lodged into a window (one means by which burglars gain access to a home) when I remembered, wait a second, didn't my reader tell me something about Marquail Townsend's facebook page?

Well, it turns out young Townsend makes terrible choices about what he puts on social media. Oh, yeah, he's smart enough to use an alias (more than one, actually) but that doesn't make much difference when your face is recognizable to outraged neighbors and your identity can be determined because you have half a dozen family members named "Townsend" listed with your facebook friends.

So guess what, Marquail? Your name isn't Mula Montana (as if!) and it isn't even Shaquille Town. It's Marquail Townsend and I just burglarized your Facebook photo albums the way you burglarize the homes of my Northside neighbors, allegedly.

Marquail, if you're reading this blog posting which is set to be auto-published on a Saturday morning, then it means that I spent a couple hours on Friday night stuffing all your photos into a virtual sack, labeling your photos according to my creative whims, and preparing to publish your life in one or more detailed blogs post to follow this one.

You've been charged with criminally stupid social media choices, Marquail.

And I'm about to present the evidence. 


Anonymous said...

Burglers aren't rocket scientists.

Anonymous said...

Excuse me while I go out and start robbing these pussies. Thanx for posting their faces because it will help me monumentally even though I have seen many of them before, I did not realize they were so rich. Time to change my game plan.

Anonymous said...

These people better be worried. Now the IRS can't be thuggin on the Tea Party who they gonna go after?

Carlsson said...

Whoa, dude's totally got, like, $170 there! That's totally enough to buy a new lawnmower! Well, almost.

Anonymous said...

...and I know if he comes to St. Cloud I am stickin my johnson down his throat.....after I get done he's gonna fetch me some coffee.

Anonymous said...

Don't get hit