Wednesday, November 27, 2013

While It Is Said "Snitches Get Stitches," There Is Apparently An Exception When You Shoot Somebody IN THE ASS...A Follow Up To The "Picasso And Socrates" Drive By Incident (Alleged)...

Wikicommons image, blog post by John Hoff

Earlier this blog reported on a story involving Socrates DeJoachim and Picasso Dejoachim, brothers accused in a drive-by shooting incident, click here and here. My first two stories were written with information from the jail roster, but I've since obtained the criminal complaint, click here. 

Brandt William of MPR beat JNS blog to this story, click here for MPR story, and also published a copy of the criminal complaint.

Why their copy of the complaint has black redactions is a mystery to me, unless MPR on its own thought there was some valid reason to black out...

...the home address of Socrates (which is 3751 Lyndale Ave. N.) or the address where the shooting took place (1910 Lowry Ave. N.) or the license plate of the burgundy Alero allegedly involved in the shooting (Minnesota plate 979-CEV) but this much I know:

Either provide the relevant source document or be like most mainstream media and DON'T. But when you pick up a black pen and start blacking out information, then you're not in the journalism business, you're in the censoring business.

Besides publishing a censored document (and I don't know if Brandt Williams can be blamed for that, seems more like an editorial choice) there was something else interesting about the article, short as it was and little more than an introduction to the censored source document.

Williams said, "Besides the famous first names of the two defendants, another aspect of the case is worth noting.  According to the complaint, the wounded man, also not named in the charges, identified his attackers through a photo lineup. Police officers have told me shooting victims are often not willing to cooperate with investigators – even when they know who shot them."

From this I draw two possible implications intended by the author of this passage. Either the "no snitching" code of the streets is weakening in North Minneapolis or there was something different about this victim or this shooting.

But upon reading the criminal complaint in detail, the answer to this mystery seemed pretty plain:

The victim was shot in the ass.

See, this is how it works. And I say this, in part, as a soldier who went overseas and was privy to the thoughts of many other soldiers, as well as my own dark pondering about the possibility of being wounded. Nobody wants to get shot in the ass because it makes you look like you were running from the enemy.

Even if you get shot in the ass fair and square, by a sniper or somebody hiding in a spider hole or, god forbid, private Dudley Q. Butterfingers who pops off a round every time a donkey brays behind him, EVERY TRUE WARRIOR DREADS THE POSSIBILITY OF A WOUND TO THE BUTT CHEEKS, because of what people will say or, more importantly, what they will think.

Shoot a man "center mass" in the chest, and his proud heart will beat as long as it has life. But graze a man's butt cheeks with a bullet, and you've shot his pride clean through.

In this case, not only did the victim get shot in the left butt cheek (which sounds worse, somehow, than the right butt cheek) but the "butt cheek bullet" is still lodged in his body, like a sex toy mishap requiring a trip to the emergency room.

No wonder this victim spilled the goods on his assailants. And besides, police already had a license plate and shell casings from the scene.

"Sir," the detective must have said, as the victim rolled his eyes heavenward in a hospital bed and tried to keep his weight off the left butt cheek. "We know who owned the vehicle. And we have ballistic evidence. But if you can't place the shooters at the scene..."

"It was PICASSO!" cried the victim. "And SOCRATES!"

The detective snaps his notepad shut.

"You know what?" says the detective. "Fine. Have a nice day and good luck explaining how your ass had a close encounter with a man's...."

"THAT'S THEIR NAMES!!!" shouts the victim. "For reals, man!"

"Their street names?" says the detective, more interested.

"No, man, that's what their mama named them!" cries the victim. "OH, GOD!!! NURSE? NURSE, WHAT HAPPENS TO THE STITCHES WHEN I HAVE TO TAKE A CRAP?"

"Their names are seriously Picasso and Socrates?" the detective asks, writing this down.

"Yeah, them two famous painters," the victim answers. "I guess their mama was into art and shit. But the only color those two like is BLOOD RED! Hell, man, I know their last name, too..."

That's how I imagine it went. But let us "imagine within what is imagined." What do you suppose the victim was IMAGINING his home boys would say upon discovering he was shot in the LEFT BUTT CHEEK and, furthermore, was shot at while ON THE GROUND?

"OH, MAN!!!" says the home boy. "You got shot in the azzzzzzzzzz? Oh, hell, no. I would never get shot in the AZZZZZZZ! No, man, I would have stood them down with my NINE!" (Physically demonstrating pulling out a gun and firing at his assailants, while ducking and dodging for cover) "I woulda been all, like, POP POP POP MUTHERFUCKAS!!!! Oh, I might go down, but I'd go down like a GANGSTAH!!!!"

Calming down from his play acting, lowering his voice in feigned sympathy.

"Let me ask you something...where in the ass did it get you? I mean, was it the meaty part? Or all up in there where the sun don't shine?" (Busting up, now, unable to maintain the facade, slapping hands with another laughing home boy) "I guess what I'm asking is, since it was your first time and all, in the ass, was it SPECIAL?"

And so, in summary...

I doubt very much the code of the streets is weakening. And I don't think this particular shooting victim was more eager to inform on his assailants than MOST shooting victims.

But shoot a man in the ass...

And your name will come out on the other end.

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