Hawthorne-Jordan Soccer Team Leads NoMi Revitalization!

Guest post and photos by the Hawthorne Hawkman

This blog has extensively documented the rapid revitalization going on throughout NoMi. But what has been the catalyst for the improvements we've seen by leaps and bounds? The Hawthorne Hawkman has found the answer:


The Hawthorne-Jordan youth soccer team. Or maybe it's the Jordan-Hawthorne team, I forget. But this is being written by the HAWTHORNE Hawkman, so Hawthorne-Jordan it is. (The uniforms say "Farview" on them, but that is not the official name.)

Last year, these kids in various age groups went a combined 0-18-2. That's no wins, eighteen losses, and two ties.

So what's their record so far this year? 26-1-3. Is there anything else in NoMi that has seen such a dramatic turnaround? They have increased their win total from last year by infinity percent! How did this happen?

Earlier in the year, Obama created a stimulus program in order to turn around troubled spots throughout the country. Clearly there were few areas of greater need than a team that was 0-18-2. Funds were used to create a high-tech training facility at the southeast corner of Farview Park. Naturally, like the Vikings have their training camp in Mankato, the Hawthorne-Jordan team has Farview. Media access is understandably limited in order to prevent opponents from learning too much, but I was granted an exclusive look at the secrets to their success.

Let's cheer on our youth as they lead the way in NoMi revitalization!

(Editor's note: No performance-enhancing substances have been used by the Hawthorne-Jordan soccer teams.)