Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Stay Away From My Battery Disposal Bag, You Alley Lurking Druggies!

Photo and blog post by John Hoff

About once a year, the City of Minneapolis sends out a colorful brochure with specific guidance on recycling. I consume every word of this document, then post it on my fridge for handy reference and repeated readings. I have been known to emphatically point out minor recycling matters to friends, saying stuff like, really, shouldn't you use BIODEGRADABLE TRASH BAGS with that yard waste?

If the annual recycling brochure were to be compared to the Bible, and if I might be compared to one who studies Scripture, then I am a Bible student who doesn't just know the major themes of the four Gospels but whose knowledge extends to obscure verses from the Book of Lamentations.

So I happen to know that when it comes to the disposal of disposable batteries, the correct procedure... to place the used-up batteries in a clear plastic bag (preferably of the Ziploc variety) and place that bag on top of your recycling containers.

Only one problem: in my alley, druggies are always dumping out my dead batteries and making off with the bag. I presume they want to use the bag as part of dope sales and/or storage.

So--in the spirit of my "not one can for crackheads" recycling practices--I have gotten into the habit of perforating the bag with a fork before placing it in my alley. A perforated bag holds batteries just fine, but it's no good for storing weed.

Yeah, with helpful home tips like these I should probably have my own television show and magazine like Martha Stewart.


CamdenGuy said...

It's a sad world when people will steal a baggie. The mark-up must not be very good on the drugs if they can't afford a cheap box of Shopper's Value baggies. I mean, if you're hanging out in front of Wally's anyway...

Anonymous said...

I love it. I always take out my aluminum cans as the truck pulls up. That way I know that the scavenger assholes won't steal them from my recycle bin.