Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Proceedings Mostly Concluded Today In Alfred Flowers Vs. City of Minneapolis, et al, The Great "Toe Stepping" Trial...

Photo and blog post by John Hoff

The photo above shows how close I was to Al Flowers and Council Member Don Samuels at the JACC press conference in January of 2009, when the events took place which resulted in the great "toe stepping trial of 2010," discussed in the previous two blog posts. Neither side called me as a witness, however. Can't say I'm sorry about that. It's so much more fun to watch the trial in its entirety.

For the convenience of the reader, click here for the blog post with video and a quickie explanation of the issues. Click here for a summary of yesterday's jury selection.

Today, numerous witnesses were presented in a rapid fire manner, the repeated lines of questioning almost like a ritual...



Where were you in the room? What could you see? You couldn't see anybody's FEET at that moment, now could you? No, I thought not.

(The following paragraph is parody)

At one point, the owner of Fetish Shoes was called to the stand. Turns out she was the only one watching nothing but feet and saw the whole incident. Unfortunately, she couldn't remember which feet went with which heads, so that wasn't very helpful. She could, however, testify that nobody stepped on ANYBODY'S feet, so conclude what you will.

(OK, end of parody font)

Both sides managed to put all their witnesses on the stand and now the only remaining business will apparently be as follows. First, Al Flowers may briefly re-take the stand to claim he has never, ever deliberately disrupted community meetings. How notoriously loud and volatile "loon at large" Al Flowers will accomplish this while under oath and subject to the penalties of perjury is an open question.

Secondly, both sides will make their final statements. Then, finally, the jury will deliberate. Though tomorrow is a federal holiday and the courthouse will be closed, the jury has instructions about how to get in the court building and burn up most of their holiday deliberating about loon-at-large Al Flowers and his precious widdle toes. By the way, in his unclear and inarticulate way, it seemed at one point as though Flowers was claiming to be missing toenails upon one or both of his oh-so-sensitive big toes.

Ewwww.

Johnny Northside Dot Com predicts the jury will be out for about an hour, and will return a verdict resoundingly in favor of the defendant.

5 comments:

JNS Reader said...

Is there any chance Al Flowers will finally be declared a frivolous litigant, a la Pete the Pedophile?

The Hawthorne Hawkman said...

Wait, does Al Flowers REALLY have to say that he has never interrupted a community meeting?

That should be interesting.

Anonymous said...

But the real question is . . . can he find four witnesses to back him up?

boathead said...

Hey Flower top, get the hell off of your hydroponic hypocritical High horse half-steppin hell hole hairy ass and get a fucking job.Go to Re-hab...something.You are making people our age look like we are going to be the catalysts for a massive onslaught of premature alzheimers or what ever the result is going to be from years of pelting what little brain matter you had with any thing that would change your already goofy mescaline induced persona.Al needs a checkup from the neck-up cause he's tore up from the floor up.

Johnny Northside! said...

To JNS Reader: I don't think so. It's an incredibly high standard to meet. He'd need to file several more unsuccessful lawsuits, I believe.

To Hawthorne Hawkman: A telling link.

To Anonymous: What we found was four 911 calls. But then again...huh, let's see: Farheen Hakeem, Ben Myers, Dokor Dejvongsa, Zack Metoyer, Steve Jackson...Don Allen as an offer of proof, but didn't get in front of the jury...yeah, that's more than four right there, but he still couldn't do it.

The things Boathead is saying appear to be creative alliteration and not actual assertions of fact.