Friday, March 6, 2009
Stupid North Minneapolis Home Repairs FESTIVAL!!!!!
Photos By Jeff Skrenes
Hawthorne Housing Director Jeff Skrenes took these photos a few days ago while looking at houses with Connie Nompelis, preservationist and rehab enthusiast...
Jeff was going to send me a commentary about the pictures, but I was in a hurry to get the photos up and, in any case, this is clearly a case of "stupid is as stupid looks like." And, yes, these photos are ALL FROM THE SAME HOUSE.
From top to bottom; check out that old, hand-milled post on the porch...trapped inside some new support, trying to keep the old porch up without bothering to perform a more extensive repair, then the whole thing was painted over because (as every slumlord knows) a lot of paint covers a multitude of home repair sins. I THINK that's what's going on.
Second, note the florescent light fixture...like a drowning victim frozen in a layer of ice. Note how it is safely snuggled inside fiberglass insulation, too. The wood divider in the middle doesn't even line up, and that problem (things not lining up) plagues almost the whole interior of the house. It's like a guy with one eye, half an arm and part of a saw remodeled the interior, then looked at it with his head turned sideways and said, "Good enough, considering I'm being paid in beer."
Check out the cupboard in the next photo. Tell me what do you KEEP in a cupboard like that? I'm thinking...rifle, rake, bathroom plunger and some shameful pornographic items you want to hide waaaaaaaaaaaaay over on the left.
The next photo is where I could really use Jeff's knowledge base. Is that closet really about a foot deep, or is that an optical illusion? Also, the surface of the counter...is that linoleum or just a really unfortunate tile job?
Just when you think the worst is over...check out that plastering job in (I think) one of the bedrooms. What is that pattern called? "Wavy White Gravy?" It reminds me of cake frosting applied by somebody who didn't really know how to frost a cake.
The last photo shows the front of the house. Note how the number "413" is on the house TWICE. OK, what's the point of THAT?
Connie talked to me on the phone last night and told me something like "as much as I am shocked by these words coming out of my mouth" the whole interior should be gutted and started all over again. There is, Connie said, not one thing worth saving.
But I'm thinking...I don't know, those light bulbs on the counter may still be good. Might want to check that.
ADDENDUM: This post changed from its original content because some people are soooooooooo sensitive. But if those folks are feeding me great info, I'll just have to compromise my artistic integrity.