Monday, April 23, 2012

WINNER, WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER! Slumlord Keith Reitman's Sad, Decaying "Blue Twins" Take First Place In The "What Should Johnny's Next Obsessive Blogging Project Be?" Contest!

Photo by Hawthorne Hawkman, blog post by John Hoff

So right after I left Ghazni Province in Afghanistan and arrived at Bagram Air Force Base...a paradise of internet access and mocha lattes, the only downside being five incoming fire alerts five nights in a row and sleeping in a big tent with, like, 100 other men...I learned about Friedman's Shoe Store caving in to my bloggy pressure campaign (they say they didn't, WHATEVER) and actually fixing up their unsightly glass. So the next logical question was...


...where to focus my harsh, burning light of blogospheric attention and criticism NEXT? Who is the most deserving? Where are results needed most? Where could such attention actually get results?

Well, I'm pleased to announce that after much thought, and input both public and behind the scenes, plus a vision in which Reitman appeared to me and said, "Johnny, Johnny, why are you persecuting me?" I've decided...

(Drum roll, please)

(Oh, wait, you already know from the headline)

Our winner is "Level Three Slum Offender" Keith Reitman, whose "blue sisters" at 26th and Penn were falling to ruin BEFORE the tornado, are falling to ruin more AFTER the tornado, have official paper slapped all over them, sit right in the heart of an area desperately needing development, had historic potential once but it's rotted away like unharvested fruit, are the ultimate example of the bastard color known as "Reitman Blue," are only the foremost of MANY examples of scumoidal slumlordery by the aforementioned Reitman, plus I have a really good photo to use as an illustration, so that pretty much bags it.

Congratulations, Keith Reitman. Oh, what fun First Amendment attention you can expect until this eyesore is resolved. Maybe a blues song about the "blue sisters?" Maybe one North Minneapolis "revitalizer" after another posing in front of the properties (on the oh-so-public sidewalk) and holding their noses?

Maybe...here, fill in the blank. Let your imagination work overtime, Keith.

But all in good time. For now, click here to enjoy this video of "paint drumming" by the Blue Man Group.

Is this how the color "Reitman blue" is produced?

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

These people need to be taken to task, ridiculed publicly, perhaps also flogged, for their part in literally destroying an entire neighborhood. Tear these pathetic properties down and send the bill to Reitman.

Folwell Fox said...

It's never ending appeasement for the lowest common denominator in North. The people who should be taken to task are our elected officials who enable this behavior and practice.

Johnny Northside said...

Oh! Geez, how on earth did I forget to mention that Keith was involved in the high profile mortgage fraud at 1564 Hillside Ave. N.? Oh, Keith will tell you he's a "victim" in that...

A victim whose role was to cash a big fat check.

Keith! NOBODY DESERVES TO WIN MORE THAN YOU!

Anonymous said...

The City of Minneapolis seems to be a willing participant in enabling opportunists like "Businessman" Reitman to hold the community hostage for his own personal gain.

While other structures with much more integrity have been assessed and destroyed by the City, these ugly twins remain unscathed.

How much has the City assessed Rietman for maintaining these eyesores?

http://apps.ci.minneapolis.mn.us/PIApp/SpecialAssessmentsRpt.aspx?Year=All&Action=Show&PIN=19194

http://apps.ci.minneapolis.mn.us/PIApp/SpecialAssessmentsRpt.aspx?Year=All&Action=Show&PIN=19193

Why?

Well start digging into the lucrative deal he made with the City for a property he flipped to the taxpayers on Lowry.

The Hawthorne Hawkman said...

Good news for you, Johnny. The northern property, 2522 Penn Ave N, is now owned by the city. A director's order to demolish was issued on April 27th, and the bid goes before planning review this week.

Johnny Northside! said...

We're halfway there.

When there is a resolution of the OTHER "Blue Sister," then I can move on to a new blogging obsession.

The Hawthorne Hawkman said...

Ask and you shall receive, photographic proof of demo orders on both properties. What I find quite intriguing is the list of others with potential ownership interests at 2520 Penn Ave N. Feel free to do some digging on your own here, John. I may not have time to get to this for a bit.

Anonymous said...

Probably lien filers.