Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Slumlord Keith Reitman Offers Parody Of Johnny Northside...

Photo By John Hoff

Word is Keith Reitman, a gregarious slumlord in North Minneapolis, got rather riled up by a few things I wrote on this blog about his "ugly ass chocolate brown building" on the 1400 block of West Broadway. He went so far as to send me a little "parody" of my own writing style.

The piece of writing was amusing, so I'm going to print the whole thing with, of course, some minor grammar and punctuation corrections...

Minors, Bottle Rockets and Swizzle Sticks...or When JNS Takes The Low Road.

By Slumlord Keith Reitman

These paragraphs, below, are simply me offering you, Johnny, a mimicking example of your style of writing in its LOWEST MOMENTS.

It is also the second time I've "booed" in the last ten years. The first, and only other time was at a State of The City speech by then Mayor Sayles-Belton, as reported by Tom Lyden of 9 News. Never ever at a Jordan Livability Forum.



On July 5 the Johnny Northside Blog featured a photo of John Hoff's son, posed with a couple other minors, holding crisscrossed bottle rockets. The attribution for the photo was "Photo by John Hoff."

It is at least a petty misdemeanor to possess that type of explosive in the city of Minneapolis and the State of Minnesota. A worse offense is an adult, perhaps a father, providing that type of incendiary device to his child and the child's friends, and then posing them for a photo. Child endangerment, corrupting morals, illegal possession, bad stuff and more sinful than
possession of a "Sharpie" by a landlord. Far more serious.

I also have VERY RELIABLE source information that certain children were using the bottle rockets provided to them as swizzle sticks for "high quality" alcoholic beverages they were sipping while certain parents were busy with their own beverages.

I am not very familiar with City Ordinance chapter and verse; perhaps some of the cops that follow your blog might post them for us. That is the miracle of the Internet and the angels that read and post here (mostly anonymously).

Key words: Johnny Rocket, John Hoff, John Hoffman, John Dillinger, Ethyl Rosenberg, Larry Maxwell, The Phantom of the Opera, Adolph Hitler, Satan.


(John,) What I wrote above is creative writing, my rapping off some of your worst reporting of factual inaccuracies, simplistic moralizing, and mean-spirited editorializing. Your low road soirees, of course, are most disappointing and easily recognized by me, when directed at me.

Much of your jazz is just great reading so I know you can do better.

I invite you to meet with me again and get a more clear idea of "the big picture."

Keith Reitman

JNS responds: Keith, word is you're all worked up about the things I'm writing and you've actually asked for a "summit." To this I respond: put some nice trim on your ugly ass chocolate brown building, which people have been complaining about for a long time. 

Do that and we'll sit down and have a summit.

Furthermore, I have ANOTHER witness who says you actually STOOD TO YOUR FEET and booed the presenter at the Livability Forum at Jordan New Life Church seven or eight years ago. So there.


Anonymous said...

perhaps keith can use his amazing communication skills to share what his relationship is to the odious slumlords lobbying organization "minneapolis property rights action Committee."

Jordan Neighbor said...

(Parody alert)

(or reality alert)

(or Parody... wait, I can't keep parody and reality seperated any longer)

JNS Exclusive: When a Notorious Slumlord and a Slick-as-Shit Poverty Pimp Team Up to Commit Mortgage Fraud.

JNS blog has received word from a very reliable source who reports there is at least one instance of blatent,criminal mortgage fraud coming out of a shady real estate deal at 1564 Hillside. My sources close to the story report that a notorious slumlord has teamed up with a slick-as-shit poverty pimp and the two of them together have conspired, along with other industry "professionals" to defraud at least one bank of tens of thousands of dollars to line their pockets, all at the expense of the Jordan community.

Names shall not be named, details shall not be shared until confirmed, but word is the shady transaction involves new windows, kickback finder's fees, identity theft and grossly inflated real estate appraisals.

Stay tuned to JNS blog for more details...

Inquiring minds want to know in NoMi....

Anonymous said...

Trim on a slumlord's building? WTF! Its like putting a ribbon on a piece of feces....Johnny, the issue(s) are much deeper than that.

Anonymous said...

yes, Keith, many people are waiting for your response regarding the house at 1564 Hillside. If you want the truth out there, tell it....

MeganG. said...

Keith, Inquiring minds want to know. We want to hear YOUR side of the transaction at 1564. We want to hear what OTHER transactions you have done with any of these shady circumstances.

We got to hear Jerry's side a little bit on the stand and in court (both JACC and Maxwell proceedings)

So please Keith, since you seem to want to control some of the dialogue, you want to forward your writings from several years ago, you want to get facts and opinions out there on the record, please Keith, tell us all about 1564 real estate transaction.

We are waiting...

Johnny Northside said...

Per a discussion I had with Keith:

The word "Slumlord" was added by me to Keith's name in the piece.

He did not take that title and wear it, even in a parody. For the record, Kieth DOES NOT LIKE that word "slumlord."

As for the comment about the trim and how the issues are much deeper than that: I know it, but I intend to get this concession before sitting down for any "summit."

And the trim needs to be ACCEPTABLE. I leave Kip Browne of JACC to be the final judge of what is pretty and acceptable trim on the "ugly ass chocolate brown building" on the 1400 block of West Broadway.

Anonymous said...

Hi love your blog. I read it nearly every day. Keep up the good work! Anyway I have info on a slum lord, mortgage fraudster that nobody seems to care about. May I contact you somehow and give you the information? I really don't trust anyone else. Thanks