Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Apparently Afraid To Visit North Minneapolis Himself, Evil Anti-Johnny Sends "Proxy Fraidy Cat" To This Blogger's House, Chapter Three Of The Evil Anti-Johnny Book Of Revelations...

Contributed photo, blog post by John Hoff

If you look closely at the photo above (clicking to make it bigger might help) you will see a guy dressed in dark clothing running like a little bitch toward a black car parked at the end of the alley. More on this later.

In the early 1900s, when William Randolph Hearst and Joseph Pulitzer waged war against each other in newsprint and many publications bore the names of political parties, conflict sometimes spilled out of written words and into actual action. So, as a scholar of journalism, a bizarre incident that happened day before yesterday (Monday) is fascinating and seems symbolic of the heated "Nomi Blog Wars" that have been waged the last few years.

(The term "Nomi Blog Wars" was first used by Irving Inquisition, click here)

(North By Northside also wrote a two part history of the turbulent North Minneapolis blog scene, click here for Part One and here for Part Two) A common theme of both accounts is The Adventures of Johnny Northside is and always has been at the red hot epicenter of the Nomi Blog Wars)

So, anyway, on Monday while I was away from home and having a late lunch with my attorney after giving a talk to some law students, the Evil Anti-Johnny blogger sent somebody to my house to snap a picture, and then the dude took off running down the alley like, well, there's just no other way to put it.

Like a little bitch....

Here's how the incident went down. My roommate--a mysterious man of many skills, who took good care of my house while I was in Afghanistan--was sawing some dead limbs and doing lawn care when he heard a voice.

"Hey, you," the voice said, or something like that. The voice was coming in an area beyond the back yard. My roommate didn't know if the voice was directed at him or not. He ignored it, but kept hearing somebody calling out. There was a guy in the alley, standing in a spot where my rear security camera can't see because, well, it doesn't look around the garage and way into the alley. I'll be fixing THAT in the near future, and the camera might look like anything; a rock, a thermometer, who knows.

Anyway, my roommate realized there was somebody standing near the garage. It was a white guy, not bad looking, maybe in his early 30s with dark hair and dark clothing.

"Is John Hoff here?" the guy asked. "Does John Hoff still live here?"

"Who are you?" my roommate asked.

"I'm a friend from Texas," the mysterious visitor said, in an amiable tone. But right away my roommate thought, "Oh, this would be somebody associated with that freak show Jim Watkins, the anti-johnny blogger whose felonious friend Thomas Balko is rotting in the Duluth federal pen and somehow Johnny Northside gets blamed for THAT," or words to that effect.

"Who are you?" my roommate insisted, but the guy wasn't giving any answers. So my roommate finally said, "If you know John, give him a call." (Later my roommate told me, "I don't know all your friends and I didn't want to accidentally be rude to one of your friends.")

Standing just on the edge of my property, the visitor pulled out his cell phone like he was going to make a call. But then he extended the phone to take a picture. My roommate (the man of many dark skills) instinctively put up his hand to prevent his eyes from being photographed and "thwart any facial recognition software."

"GET OFF THE PROPERTY!" my roommate shouted, still holding the very serious hand saw he'd been using on the tree limb moments before. The unwanted guest ran away and was all the way to the end of the alley before my roommate snapped a picture with his own cell phone, (see above) showing the dude running toward a black car.

Naturally, my roommate called me right away, finding me at a coffee shop. We tried to figure out who the visitor might have been. I thought maybe it was my friend Peter Teachout, not aware that I had a roommate and wondering, "Who is this dude in John's yard?" So I called my Peter Teachout, who used to live in North Minneapolis and still owns property in Nomi but is now an army officer in Texas. It turned out the visitor wasn't Teachout, but as a result of that conversation I ended up passing on some interesting information to police about the possible whereabouts of a wanted felon.

What an amazing and chaotic universe we live in. How many unintended consequences even the smallest actions can have!

Right about the time I had finished sending an email to a high ranking police official with the information from Teachout, I got a message on my phone from my roommate. He was sending me the photo of the guy running down the alley. I scrutinized the photo.

Man, that dude was BOOKING IT down that alley. You can't even make out the back of his head. He looks like a frightened ant.

A moment later I got an unsolicited text message from the evil Anti-Johnny from his cell phone, 214-734-5100, which a little digging shows to be associated with 1515 Rio Grande Dr., Plano, Texas. Some place called Brentdale Apartments.

Sad. Just sad.

I saw the text message had a photo attached. Before I opened it, I already knew what it would contain. Here it is, crazily sideways just the way my phone received it.

The taunting message attached to the photo said "Now that doesn't look like you." (Proper punctuation provided by JNS blog)

Me and my roommate had a good laugh over this incident and polished off the remainder of a bottle of ouzo together, even though my roommate says ouzo is "nasty," but he agreed it was "all we have available." While I roared with merriment, my roommate imitated the weak and knock-kneed gesture the dude made when extending his phone to take a picture, his legs already twitching with the desire to flee.

"You really need to call somebody over this," my roommate said. "Jim's behavior is becoming more erratic. The guy is OBSESSED with you. And who was this OTHER guy?"  

No, I said, I would just blog about it.

Not just for the moment, I thought, but for the historical record documenting a colorful era.

Nomi Blog Wars. 


Anonymous said...

So now you admit that while you were in Afghanistan you had someone living in your house. That means you needed a rental license (even if the guy didn't pay rent). You admit you had a rental property without a rental license.
That is why your house was placarded.

Anonymous said...

What did you expect from Jim? I feel sorry for you if grandma pops up next. Dallas loves this man and all of the magic that he brings. If it was not for you he might be somebody. Now stop picking on him before he quits and brings his ball home...or back to grandma's.

Johnny Northside! said...

To the commenter at 10:26.

Dream your twisted little dreams. As for the placard, do you see it up there anymore? No, that's because the same person who put it up REMOVED it. But after it was removed it was given to me, and I've had it framed as a joke. It now hangs next to my son's baby pictures. Think I'm kidding? I will get around to writing about it and publishing the photo.

By the way, does Nana make nice sugar cookies? My Nana sure made good sugar cookies. I wish my Nana was alive and I could live with her and enjoy her sugar cookies.

Well, maybe JUST enjoy her sugar cookies. I'm sure my Nana would want her privacy.

Anonymous said...

To the anon 10:26pm (cough WATKINS coughcough) - when will you get it through your obsessed head????


And a soldier who is deployed still has a primary residence back at home.

Now, read, repeat and re-write that capitalized sentence one hundred times on a chalkboard. Bad boy.

Anonymous said...

Jeezus, the following article could easily be about John Hoff, a delusional guy who thinks he is a nationally famous blogger; self medicates with alcohol and what ever; has hostile behavior and fits of rage; suffers from paranoia thinks he being watched and has security cameras guarding his house; is basically isolated with few real friends; refuses to recognize or get help for his mental illness; owns guns and ammo.

Get help John before you hurt someone else.

Anonymous said...

Sad, John. Just sad.

Anonymous said...

Not printing my comments. What's the matter, afraid to have the truth told to the people you feeble little pussy boy soldier. Or were you too drunk self medicating to approve them.

Anonymous said...

Where is the saw you said he was holding? I can't see one in either hand. You said he was cutting dead limbs but, I don't see anything that would suggest wood had been cut up judging by the ground around him. What lawn care was he doing? All I see are leaves but, no rake anywhere. The footing of the guy in the alley doesn't show him to be running. It looks like he is walking. You exaggerate things to the point of making them fiction.

Anonymous said...

Okay, that's psycho!

Keep publishing this behavior!! The anti-Johnny is going too far.

Anonymous said...

I didn't think you would approve the comments I made about what the pictures did and did not show when compared to your written description of them and what supposedly happened.
You blog the truth? You lie and exaggerate while showing pictures that prove otherwise.
I forgot to ask you which group of law students exactly did you speak for? If you honestly did, then you should be wanting to brag about it so, who and where?