Saturday, December 22, 2012

Michael "Kip" Browne Wins $20,000 Judgment Against Peter "Spanky Pete" Rickmyer...

Stock photo, Michael "Kip" Browne, blog post by John Hoff

The MNCIS online court system is now showing a $20,000 judgment against Peter "Spanky Pete" Rickmyer in the lawsuit Rickmyer filed against former JACC chair Michael "Kip" Browne, (pictured above) and a host of others, including this blogger.

The award is for attorney fees and was made on December 14. I do not yet have a copy of the judgment in hand, but I'm confident it has at least a couple scathing lines about Spanky Pete's lawsuit, from which Browne was dismissed relatively early in the game. Others, including this blogger, are still dealing with the rapidly-fading yet oddly-bouncing remnants of the lawsuit.

Though Rickmyer (a Level Three Sex Offender) has spent many years using garbled filings in court as a vindictive tool leveled at the same world that sent him to prison for molesting minors, this judgement apparently represents the first time one of Rickmyer's bizarre filings resulted in a large monetary judgment.

A storybook history may be in order here, to keep everybody up to speed.

Try to imagine the kind of illustrations you would put into this story if it was really in a storybook, but I will help and provide a few word pictures...

Once upon a time there was a nasty little boy named Peter Richard Stephenson who didn't grow up to be a normal and nice man, but a sex offender. Eventually, Peter was locked up in a place called Moose Lake, where magical moose tried to teach men like Peter how to be nice.

(Illustration: See the moose teaching the men how to shovel snow? Oh, the moose are using their antlers while the men use shovels)

 But the rules said society couldn't keep Pete there forever, so he was let go and ended up in North Minneapolis.

North Minneapolis was a lot like Moose Lake, except in North Minneapolis the many Level Three sex offenders were allowed to run around loose and there were no magical moose. There was a lot of magic powder being sold, but it didn't result in any magical moose.

(Illustration: See how the magic powder is making the people see stars? But they don't look happy, do they? That one has his mother yelling because he has no job)

Peter became the manager of a fried chicken business called Golden Chicken. He could have spent the rest of his life turning pieces of dead chicken into crispy deliciousness and keeping his dark urges in check, but Peter couldn't resist the buttocks of the young female employees. (Which is kind of odd, because in Oklahoma he'd exposed his penis to a young boy, but whatever) Peter told two of the young employees they needed to be punished and so he spanked them.


(Technically, we can't illustrate this one because somebody like Spanky Pete might like the illustrations too much, so the picture shows chicken frying and WHAP WHAP sounds coming from the door marked OFFICE)

Of course, the two young women hadn't REALLY been bad. Peter just wanted to spank them because he was a nasty man. Somebody told. This was the right thing to do. Even in a tough neighborhood, people know that "no snitching" doesn't apply to creepy old white dudes spanking minors.

(Illustration, girl is telling her mommy)

Peter went right back to prison. But he got out again. So he went right back to North Minneapolis, where he decided to be a lawyer. But not a lawyer that goes to school and then tries to help others. Peter didn't go to school to be a lawyer and so he was only allowed to be a lawyer for himself, which anybody can do, even you.

(Illustration, Peter looking at law books with a confused expression)

But that was fine, because Peter only cared about himself.

Peter found lots of people to sue. He sued church ladies when they wouldn't let him hang around the children. He sued the Tupperware lady. He not only sued lots of people, but he loved to show up at meetings and speak in his odd way about topics like little children in North Minneapolis having PTSD.

(Illustration, Peter at a podium pontificating. A mother is shielding her daughter, like, "Don't even LOOK at that creepy guy.")

People let Peter speak at meetings because most people are polite, even when they feel like they don't want to be. And evil sex offenders take advantage of this. Others see people being polite to sex offenders and think to themselves, "That man seems like a slightly annoying but concerned citizen. See how politely people like Kip Browne are treating him."

(Illustration, Kip Browne with a gavel but he's letting Peter speak, though Kip's face is scrunched up in a frustrated squiggle)

In this way, sex offenders manage to pass themselves off as friendly neighbors and acquaintances of decent people. Others may mistake the sex offender for somebody they can trust.

(Illustration in the storybook, "Could you watch my little boy for a minute while I go to the corner and score some weed?")

The correct way to treat a sex offender is to be polite, but make it clear to everybody around who he really is.

(Illustration, Spanky Pete stands up to speak at the meeting and a smiling Kip Browne says, "And now a word from Level Three Sex Offender Peter Stephenson, who likes to go by the alias of Pete Rickmyer. Spanky Pete, rock the mike with those spanky thoughts of yours.")

Of course, it should be pointed out Spanky is not your average Level Three Sex Offender. Most of them have enough sense to scurry around in the shadows, obtain whatever menial employment they can, and not call attention to themselves.

(Picture of a man working at a potato chip factory, and sitting by himself in the break room eating a sandwich while other employees are at a table, talking)

But there are a small number of sex offenders who never accept their lowly social status. They keep trying to act like solid citizens and get involved in the community, or find ways to get power over others.

(Picture of sex offender looking over a shirt for sale at the Salvation Army. The shirt says "Hennepin County.")

So Spanky Pete's suing days lasted for a long time, and he used to hang out at the Hennepin County Government Center like it was his personal domain. He would spend time in the law library or watching court cases.

(Picture of a lady asking Spanky, "Are you a lawyer? Can you help me find something?" And Spanky is looking up with a knowing, helpful expression on his face)

Then one day the moon and planets aligned, and something changed. Our normal world and Spanky's sick little make-believe world collided. Spanky was watching the trial of a bad named Larry Maxwell, who cheated people out of money. Maxwell was so bad he went to prison for a long time. But why was Spanky so interested in the trial?

(Picture of Spanky watching trial, and he has a little cola and popcorn like he's at the movies)

Spanky was even talking to people who were present at the trial.

(Picture of Spanky walking after a well-dressed lawyer and saying, "Excuse me, Mr. Reed...")

A blogger named Johnny didn't know who Pete was. He assumed Pete was an eccentric old man who spoke at public meetings. Johnny thought this because of the way people at the meeting were polite to Spanky Pete.

Remember what we learned about the CORRECT way to treat a sex offender? Be polite, but also let everybody around know who he really is, so the creepy creepster can't create false impressions of respectableness.

(Illustration of the chair of a meeting saying, "Oh, I see our  local Level Three Sex Offender has something to say about curb repair issues..." and other people at the meeting have wide eyes, like, "Whaaaaat?")

So after court, Johnny was telling a few people about Peter being at the trial. Johnny was doing imitations of Pete, because he thought Pete was FUNNY.

But then Johnny's friends were all, like, "Do you mean PETER THE PEDOPHILE?" One of Johnny's friends looked up Pete's special little webpage that tells the world Pete is a nasty sex offender.

(Picture of people clustered around a computer, and letters show somebody is typing F-I-N-D-A-C-R-E-E-P-D-O-T-G-O-V)

"That's him!" Johnny said. "That's the same man who was at the Maxwell trial!"

So Johnny wrote about Peter skulking around the Maxwell trial. And this was the beginning of a shift in the universe.

You see, once upon a time (back at the top of this story) Peter was able live in a sick little world where he sued his neighbors all the time for petty things, and few people beyond the scared citizens in the neighborhood knew or cared. But starting with that one blog post about the Larry Maxwell trial, suddenly Peter's creepy activities were being scrutinized and commented upon.

So which came first, the chicken or the creepy man in charge of the chicken? Peter's suing and Johnny's writing began to feed into each other. Peter sued Johnny. Johnny wrote about Peter. Peter was declared a frivolous litigant by the state court, unable to sue without a lawyer. Peter went out and found a lawyer who was almost as crazy as himself, so he could keep suing.

(Illustration of Jill Clark with little "crazy stars" orbiting around her head, and an empty whiskey bottle of indeterminate age at her feet)

The lawsuit took forever. It's not over yet.

But on December 14, 2012, the universe took a sharp right turn and a $20,000 judgment was slapped on Peter.

(Illustration of a big gavel coming down on Spanky Pete, with "$20,000" written on the gavel. Spanky Pete is going "Oof!" and his face is all scrunched up)

Oh, my goodness, how will Peter pay that judgment? What will happen if he doesn't pay it? What will happen if he doesn't answer when the courts demand to know where he's hiding his money? Does he even HAVE any money?

(Illustration, Spanky Pete clutching his piggy bank, face contorted angrily)

And what about his house?

(Illustration, a big gavel coming down on the house and the words "$20,000 Lien" hover in the air)

A lot of stories that start with "Once upon a time" end with "They all lived happily ever after."

This isn't one of those stories.

(Illustration, Spanky Pete dressed like a hobo, with a sad face. Meanwhile, Jill Clark is in a straight jacket and being hauled to an ambulance)

THE END. (But not really) 


Johnny Northside! said...

Ha ha. Something a source said behind the scenes made me think how this story could be set to the 12 Days Of Christmas Song, each time ending with, "A pervert raking leaves from a tree."

Anonymous said...

looks like pete is going to have to try to lease a spanking booth at the state fair to raise the money or sell his ass to blind homos i just sayin