Saturday, December 29, 2012

Police Accused Tyberius Clark Of Burglary, And Tyberius Was All, Like, Didn't You Already Charge Me Over That Burglary? And Police Were All, Like, No, Tyberius, This Is A New One...

Creative stock photo, Minneapolis Police Officer (and winner of One Man
Minneapolis pageant) Mark Klukow

Tyberius Tyrell Clark, DOB 4/29/91, is charged in a burglary in Brooklyn Park. Click here for the criminal complaint against Tyberius. 

Clearly, Tyberius is not the sharpest tool in the shed. He broke into the house while wearing a pair of gloves (allegedly) but left the gloves behind. Officers were able to get a DNA sample from the gloves, which matched Tyberius.

Why, you might wonder, did Tyberius have a DNA profile in the state's criminal database....


Turns out Clark was convicted of a burglary in 2011, and one of the conditions of his sentence and subsequent probation was to supply a DNA sample. Yet somehow Tyberius was dumb enough to leave gloves at the scene. Allegedly.

Hair, I could understand. A few skin cells, certainly. But his GLOVES? I mean, wouldn't he need those for the NEXT burglary?

And, yes, a moment ago I said "probation." Clark is supposed to be on probation until June of 2014. I think it's fair to say this incident is likely to have a huge and very negative impact on his probation.

Even through the dry writing of the criminal complaint, a subtle flash of prosecutorial humor is visible in the following two sentences:

When asked about the burglary, the Defendant remembered doing several burglaries but thought he had already been charged with this one. When he was reminded that he wasn't, the Defendant claimed he had no recollection of this burglary. 

Too bad the state crime lab just works to match the DNA of criminals, instead of doing actual scientific investigation to find a "criminal stupidity gene."

I nominate Tyberius "Lab Rat" Clark to be part of such a future research project.

Clark's reported home address is 1723 Dupont Ave. N., the lower unit. This is a rental owned by Stephen E. Berg of 4732 Park Avenue, Minneapolis. Berg's wife (I presume it's his wife) is also listed as a taxpayer. Her name is Christine A. Berg. 


ShutUpAndDance said...

Why is it necessary to list the owner and his wife's name especially if they had nothing to do with this idiot's crime??

Johnny Northside! said...

Oh, where to begin?

Well, just to summarize a much broader and more complex issue, the short answer is that the careless and cynical practices of slumlords concentrate poverty and crime in our neighborhood. So when idiots are being charged, well, here at Johnny Northside Dot Com I will be damn sure to mention who was their landlord. And where they live.

Don't like it? Don't be a slumlord in North Minneapolis. This has been my practice for a long time, and it will continue.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Johnny, Got a good laugh out of this! My name is Mike, I was his victim in 09. and yes he did leave his gloves and dirty finger prints all over the house,, Thank god for dumb criminals!!!