Photo By John Hoff Shortly before the annual meeting, Minnesota House of Representatives candidate Yoman Brunson arrived, and began passing out fliers.
I spoke to him briefly and...
...found him quite pleasant. When he handed me his flier, I was looking for one thing: Brunson's party affiliation.
Candidate? Or "Mystery Can?"
I looked. I looked. I flipped the flier over. I looked again. Was I missing it?
"So," I asked. "Are you a Democrat? A Republican? A Green?"
He'd have my vote if he were a green. Any Green party candidate would have to get up early Monday morning and work hard until late Sunday night, messing up, before they'd lose my vote.
"I'm a Republican," he answered, right away.
"Where is your party affiliation on this flier?" I asked, a wee bit accusatory. Yeah, like leaving off "REPUBLICAN" was an accident in a district where, historically, Republicans fare poorly during elections. (Brunson's own blog points to 60 years of DFL control)
"It's not on there," he answered.
"Gee, don't you think that's KIND OF IMPORTANT?" I asked.
He told me it was the MESSAGE which mattered. I was all, like, if it's the MESSAGE that matters, why bother having political parties at all? Let's let everybody run on their own message and have to explain what they stand for from Square One. Heck, let's stop labeling food in packaging. Let everything be a SURPRISE like the "Mystery Cans" my family used to dive out of dumpsters.
(OK, I didn't actually say all that during our brief conversation, but I'm saying it NOW)
Seems Nice (As Evidenced By Smile)
I didn't want to argue. Brunson seemed quite sincere and the fact he was emphasizing GET MORE POLICE OFFICERS caught my riveting attention immediately. Yes, I want more cops. I want sting operations in North Minneapolis, not just South Minneapolis. I want enough cops to sit in one place long enough to bust the open air drug markets. I could go along with what he was saying. I'd prefer to compare it to what his opponent was saying, of course.
I took his picture and promised to write about him on my blog. I WAS NOT THE ONE WHO COMPLAINED ABOUT HIM PASSING OUT FLIERS. I just want to make that clear. If it were me, I'd be bragging about it. In the back of my mind, I thought his campaigning at the meeting might not be welcomed, but I was a lot more concerned about the drug dealing I photographed right outside the window or daring daylight raids on the buffet table by unaccompanied minors than I was about Yoman Brunson.
A short while later, though, I saw one of the folks in charge speaking to Brunson and telling him this was our ANNUAL MEETING, and not really a time and place for people running for office to show up and campaign. (For one thing--and I'm just adding this on my own--we were having an election in that very room in a few hours)
Brunson was cool about it. He smiled and left right away. Heck, he never STOPPED smiling. His smile is perpetual.
Grading Brunson's Website: B Plus.
Here is Brunson's website, click here. First, let me critique the website before I address the guy's platform. I'm going to pretend Brunson is one of my students fromt the School of Journalism and Mass Communication, and this was an assignment we gave him...only I'd probably dial back the critique quite a bit for students. Well, except during the first couple weeks of the semester. Duh!
First of all, Brunson's website doesn't have enough content. Content, all the time, something new every day if possible, students. Yeah, I sometimes don't follow that suggestion myself...but then I make up for it by racking up more than a hundred posts in a month, so it more than averages out.
If worse comes to worse, put up some pictures. People love to see themselves (if it's a complimentary likeness) and see folks they know (whether it's a good picture or not).
So, yeah, as a WEBSITE Brunson's blog needs more daily content. But if you wanted to go there one time and browse around for info about Brunson and what he stands for...well, it's quite adequate as a source of information.
However, the blog could use a proofreader who paid more attention in English class than Brunson apparently did. The guy's not half bad, but there's quite a few glaring errors...leading me to wonder if Brunson has ANYBODY working daily on his behalf except Brunson, himself.
OK, for example...Brunson is really emphasizing that "more cops, more public safety" thing, calculating (quite smartly, I think) North Minneapolis residents are so fed up with crime they'd vote for somebody promising more cops and ignore party labels...especially when Brunson is going out of his way to soft-pedal or even CONCEAL his own party affiliation.
In any case...let me point out the messy errors and sloppy communication in one small piece of Brunson text. (The Latin word "sic" stands for "thus," and when inserted into text draws attention to an error quoted verbatim in the original text)
We Have Some Work To Do!
There have been many success (sic) in the Northside, but we continue to face the same problems. Today, I was door-knocking in our neighborhoods, and there were many things that I am not pleased with. As I was door knocking, I noticed many illegal activities taking place. Namely, selling drugs in our neighborhoods. I do not appreciate this activity in our neighborhoods, during the middle of the day, in front of children, and 2 inches away from myself.
(Paragraph break not in original text)
As I continued to make my way through our neighborhoods, and spoke to more neighbors, some indicating they are feed up (sic) and are waiting to move away from our district. Now is not the time to turn our backs on our district. Like I say, working together, there is nothing we cannot achieve. We must work together to take back our streets and neighborhoods. A change is not going to occur overnight however, showing everyone the unity of our community will have lasting effects. I will not stand by and allow my community to slip backwards, and I know many of you in our community will not let that happen as well. Let's work together to make a real impact, and make this the best district in Minnesota!
Sigh. OK, this might hurt a little. First I'd lavish praise on the student about what I see as strong CONTENT. Brunson, you're out there pounding the sidewalks and you're inches from drug dealers. You want MORE COPS. Very good and basic, especially when you have to keep it simple because this is a flier, after all. But you've got a bunch of technical errors.
First, you need to fix the obvious typos designated by "sic." Did you proofread? Well, then it may be necessary to proofread TWICE, Mr. Brunson. Citizens are "feed up?" Sir, your opponents will have a field day with that, even if it's behind your back.
Moving on...in the second and third sentences, you repeat the "I was doorknocking" thought twice. Repeating ideas with very similar wording causes readers to tune out. So find a way to phrase it in a fresh way. How about, "As I walked the sidewalks between the houses of residents"?
OK, now note how you used the word "namely." It's not really used correctly. If you said, "I saw a prominent drug dealer, namely Khameron Lake" then you'd be using the word correctly. I think you were going for a word like "specifically." Oooh, that's a good word. Without using it TOO MUCH, you may want to sprinkle that word around, so folks in the district will say stuff like "He doesn't talk in vague generalities, but gets down to the SPECIFIC details."
Now then, in the last sentence of your first paragraph--and yes, I gave you some paragraph breaks. People DO NOT LIKE thick text. Their eyes need a break. But in the last sentence, it's not clear whether you're being a little humorous of if you're actually suggesting reform measures like...get the drug dealers to only deal at night, so children getting off the bus don't see it.
Why not go right after your opponent's jugular here, Mr. Brunson? Say something like "Sixty years of DFL leadership in this district have not changed daily reality in North Minneapolis: drug dealers who peddle their poison in the middle of the day, in front of children getting off the school bus, inches away from decent citizens?"
You like that? Oh, you like that A LOT? Well, you may have it, Mr. Brunson, because I'm playing the role of an editor, here, but in future assignments I want to see content that sizzles. You're holding back, afraid to make a mistake. You're walking when I want to see you run.
Moving on to your second paragraph...have you counted how many times you say "neighborhoods" and "neighbors?" Well, it's repetitive.
Your first sentence in the second paragraph is not a sentence at all. It's a very long sentence fragment or a mechanically flawed sentence in need of revision.
Here, try this: change it to "some residents indicated." That fixes the whole problem.
You still don't understand why that's not a sentence the way you had it before? Well, it reads like a very long introductory phrase to...something.
Read it aloud Mr. Brunson. Tiffany--I see you're just waiting in line, so would you mind being Mr. Brunson's audience? Mr. Brunson, read that portion the way you have it. Read it to Tiffany and see how it sounds to HER ear.
(Looking at the clock on the wall while Brunson reads it aloud. Tiffany--who can be depended on for this kind of thing--agrees vigorously with my assessment)
Ah, now you hear it, too, don't you? It's like part of a song hanging in the air, waiting for more notes.
OK, we've got more students in line, here--thank you, Tiffany--so let's forge our way to the end.
I'll skip over the awkward "feed up" thing. We all make mistakes, just let it go.
I think you need to put the word "however" in front of that NEXT sentence. Try it. Just see how it reads. Note how it softens the argument, the contradiction between those two sentences? You use the word "however" later, but replace it with "but" and drop the comma.
Your phrase here concerns me: "Like I say." Seriously, you're quoting yourself in your own flier? Lose that phrase. 'Nuff said.
In regard to your final sentence...eh, "best district in Minnesota?" You really think people have that kind of DISTRICT loyalty like they have strong attachment to their neighborhood, their street, their town? Honestly, many of them will find it a revelation to learn they live in District 58B. Don't take your own feelings about District 58B and get 'em all confused with your CONSTITUENTS' feelings. (By the way, how come your website URL says "58" instead of "58B?" Were you confused about the name of the district? Well...never mind)
You need another sentence at the end to give your conclusion more "Oomph." No, sir, I'm not going to give it to you, I gave you plenty already. Struggle with it. Show me something creative. AMAZE ME, MR. BRUNSON.
Very good. NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Teaching Assistant Needs A Drink
That evening, in the teacher's lounge, I would pop an Advil, slam it down with Diet Coke, and (very properly and legally) confide in one of my fellow instructors about the painful "they are feed up" error I saw in one of my student papers.
But don't worry, I would jokingly assure my comrade--and I'd dig around in "the stack" for Brunson's paper so I could read aloud from it--no, don't be concerned because "there have been many success in the Northside."
To hammer the point home about how BAD the paper was, I'd say, "That's the FIRST sentence. The LEAD sentence." There have been many success in the Northside.
"God help us," my fellow instructor would say, or something like that. Then he'd ask me about the grade.
"B plus," I'd answer. "Gotta inflate it a little bit. Do you think I want to spend half an hour in the professor's office listening to a sermon about Brunson's precious self-esteem and then see the grade revised upward, anyway? Besides, I think Brunson's problem is he doesn't proofread. It's hard to break some people of the habit of refusing to be introspective..."
(Now I'm pontificating, but my co-worker wouldn't mind...since I'm always willing to switch roles and listen to HIM pontificate)
Better Luck Next Election, Brunson
"...and there's a basic 'politician personality' which is like that. They're a painted facade, hiding a bunch of pain behind a smile, a chameleon-like personality. It's too painful to look inside, to have the obvious flaws pointed out, even by oneself. ESPECIALLY by oneself. The only way to help young Brunson is to show him that his opponents WILL SEE HIS ERRORS and will GLEEFULLY SEIZE UPON THE ERRORS. So Brunson needs to root out the errors himself if he wants to win...next time."
Here's The Cherry Of Rich Irony Atop The Political Ice Cream Sundae
Brunson's flier includes the following suggestion for schools: "Focus on the fundamentals of reading, writing and arithmetic in our schools. Make our schools accountable for meeting these standards." He also wants to "ensure school choice" by such things as "school vouchers, home schooling, public and charter schools."
I wonder...what must have happened in his own schooling experience to make Brunson so "feed up" with the public education system?
I'm reminded of what (Brunson's fellow Republican) President George Bush said: "Is our children learning?"
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