Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Military Police Unit Contemplates North Minneapolis Mission...

Declassified Neighborhood Photo 

This grainy, recently-declassified image was reportedly taken at a NoMi home tour, and shows a member of a military police unit who is making preparations to buy and, yes, OCCUPY a house in North Minneapolis.

The soldier (whose name is still TOP SECRET) is reportedly a young, married female staff sergeant (E-6) who just finished a mission "cleaning up the mess" at Abu Ghraib prison in  Iraq, and wears a combat infantry badge she was awarded for... 

...enduring and surviving a mortar attack. An offer to trade an important (but redundant) organ for the badge in question was politely declined by the soldier.

Notably, I have been inside the very house this soldier is contemplating purchasing, (on a one-man clean-up mission I expect to be declassified very soon) and it is an amazing, pretty, historical house in a very quiet and safe part of the neighborhood. She'd have to go several blocks to be NEAR anything rough.

Therefore, I fear the considerable talents and skills of this soldier may go to waste on a block like the one where she's contemplating a purchase. We'd be a lot better off dropping her down in the middle of the (expletive) and saying, "Help us clean this up."

However, hopefully this soldier has dozens and dozens of friends looking for affordable, roomy houses for pennies on the dollar.

I spoke to the soldier, and conversation quickly turned to the high-tech "shot spotters" which have been making North Minneapolis (NoMi) safer by leaps and bounds. When a shot is fired, its location can be pinpointed. Cameras swivel on little servo-motors, and catch images of fleeing cars, running individuals. Anybody who fires a gun in North Minneapolis has to be desperate or crazy.

I could see the wheels turning in her head. She wanted to know all about the shot spotters. I told her to use "shot spotters" as a search term on this blog, then go back, find the post about my old law school buddy Nate Hanson's obsession with the shot spotters, and she could turn up a document with the precise locations.

In my observation as a highly-trained, former United States Army psych tech, there was no fear in this soldier's eyes, only calm and calculation. SOMEBODY needs to say it to her in a very public way, and so I will say it: WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME to NoMi, and THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE TO OUR COUNTRY.


Anonymous said...

Umm, Johnny, you might want to check something out....

When I was a soldier, only those who carried the MOS 11B (and maybe 11C) were authorized to earn the Expert Infantry Badge, then they could earn the CIB if they went into combat. I don't think that females have been allowed to carry that MOS.

Anonymous said...

Welcome to NoMi and thank you so very much for your service to our country!

Johnny Northside said...

To the first Anonymous: I did look into it. Check out this link:


It would appear that as of May 5, 2009, the army has been issuing combat infantry badges for soldiers who are involved in combat operations, but are not in the infantry. This includes women.

I will say this: it is about time on both scores, and the women I served with in the army were fierce, beautiful warrior women. It's about damn time they got their due, (or at least eligibility for this medal) and you can thank President Obama for it.

veg*nation said...

welcome home, and welcome to north minneapolis!

Jordan Neighbor said...

Soldier, Thank you from the bottom of a Navy Brat's heart for your service to our country.

And welcome welcome welcome to NoMi, I look forward to seeing you around the community. Then I can thank you in person!

Whistle Blower said...

Wait a sec, hold up.

Was she sent here by the Gov't to 'clean up' *cough {re-gentrify} cough*

Heck No! They can't get away with this type of thing - they can't just be dropping in special forces out of the clear blue sky!!!

Somebody get me a website, a publisher and a bumper sticker maker - I'm not gonna just stand by and let this type of thing go unnoticed!!!!

Johnny Northside said...

This might be a good time to mention, again, my rather extensive experience in army psych.

Do you think the government doesn't engage in PSY OPS operations before they drop in soldiers? Oh, but they do, they do...

Anonymous said...

I am sorry, but the EIB and the CIB are hard to earn, unilaterally handing it out lessens its value. I support recognizing combat veterans, but I think awarding the patch on the right sleeve is enough. Army cooks have won the Congressional Medal of Honor, but they never earned the CIB without the EIB and the 11B MOS.

Johnny Northside said...

But they're not "unilaterally" handing it out. You still have to be exposed to enemy fire to earn it. Furthermore, isn't every MOS "11 Bravo" underneath.

I would compare it to "taking" the black beret from the rangers and "handing it out" to the whole army. Well, the rangers now have the sand-colored beret, which is a whole new level of cachet, and every soldier feels a lot better about the black beret versus those c*** caps or garrison hats.

Now, to throw a whole new twist into things...I've put forth the idea before of a "brass heart" which could be earned for getting seriously injured in peace time. I've often been bothered by the fact my injuries in the military--which are severe, and lifelong, and recognized as service connected--are not worth a metal, unlike (for example) John Kerry getting a splinter of metal pulled out of his hand or forearm or whatever, which was worth a Purple Heart.

I'm not downgrading Kerry's Purple Heart. He earned it, and I revere it. But how is it a soldier who gets the metal equivalent of a SPLINTER gets a Purple Heart, and a soldier whose leg is two inches shorter from an accident--jammed up into his back and hip--gets, well, a disability check every month, sure, but any kind of medal? NO.

Anyway...I respect and understand your position, but I don't agree with it. Also, I think this shift with the CIB is appropriate in light of the prevalence of the changes in warfare away from stand-up fights with standing armies.

Oh, in case it isn't obvious...I'd give my left nut to reenlist, but I'm told my injuries are a permanent bar to reenlistment, unless I can get my bar exam completed. Then I've got a shot at JAG, unless I'm outside the age requirements by then.

Sigh. Heavy sigh.

I need to go to KBR.com now and submit my resume a few more times...