As you can see in the first photo, a house being "condemned" doesn't mean it's in terrible condition inside (note the glasswork!) or that it will be torn down. It just means a good deal of fixing will be required to meet the standard set by the city. But when you're only paying $7,900 for a house, hopefully that leaves plenty left over for fixes.
In the next photo, some backyard rubble got pressed into service, doing double duty as a candle holder and a weight for boards where guests could set down wine glasses. Seldom has a girl loved candles so much as Connie. She must pay her electric bill with pocket change. (Kind of like what she used to buy this house)
Next two photos, guests are awed and almost blinded by...
...The Glorious Rainbow Ceiling Fan. Even as the first rainbow was a sign that God would never again destroy the earth with flooding, this multi-colored apparition on high is a sign that mighty forces of neighborhood revitalization--banding together in unbeatable social networks--will destroy and disrupt blight and crime, turning North Minneapolis into a freshly-washed world of urban possibilities.
Time for crackheads to start building an ark.
Next, the "Dyna-mobile," chosen transportation mode of Dyna Sluyter. Dyna is known for getting on the e-democracy forum and writing about crime issues. Below that, "inveterate North Sider Buzzy Bohn," who made a point of inviting Mayor Rybak to move to North Minneapolis.
Below Buzzy is Brian Finstad, who has a passion for fighting neighborhood crime in SOUTH Minneapolis. Brian and his partner are increasingly excited about home-buyer possibilities in NORTH Minneapolis. Brian is posing with the "Atlas Pillar" on Connie's porch. A single post is holding up the entire porch roof, since the other two pillars were apparently stolen; carted off to be sold who-knows-where. Brian's theory was the thieves left the last pillar because otherwise the porch roof would have collapsed, bringing too much attention.
Next, a young guest holds a box of marshmallow Peeps, soon to be roasted in a bonfire behind Connie's house. In the photo below that, Hawthorne Housing Director Jeff Skrenes brings a fire extinguisher to the party. He's such a party pooper.
Directly below Jeff, Brian Finstad explains how toasted Peeps take longer to cool than plain toasted marshmallows, but have a more delightfully carmel surface. Finstad attributes this to more sugar in the Peeps. What do I know? The only Peep I toasted was snatched off my stick and hungrily devoured by Connie.
In the last two photos, Connie's neighbor (from one of her other houses) Gordon Boudreau prepares to massacre pretty much the entire Peeps family tree. Later--not content with merely roasting Peeps candies--Gordon tried roasting other stuff, like cheese doodles. Gordon made reference to an article in The Onion, a parody newspaper, which featured a woman who thinks anything with the word "Tuscan" in it is bound to taste good. Likewise, Gordon believes almost any food is better if it can be ROASTED.
I'm not even sure how Gordon managed to mount the cheese doodle to the stick. Aren't cheese doodles brittle? What is this great roasting chef's SECRET?