311 Turns Into 911

Photo by John Hoff

A few days ago I was on Dupont Ave. N., calling 311 on unsecured houses. It was all pretty routine. Above is a picture (not very good) of a bird's nest in a light fixture. I didn't touch the nest, of course. I was on Dupont Avenue North when I spotted an unattached garage missing half the front door...

...and so I pulled up to call it in, and I saw the house had "official paper" on it. It was labeled as "boarded," but there were no actual boards. I was on the phone with 311 about the garage, and I checked the security of the door...whoah.

The door to the upstairs duplex was open. Well, I told the operator, I'm sure glad I came over here to take a look.

If the call was "recorded for quality control purposes" then something like this would have been captured on the audio tape.

"Wait a second...was that movement I saw in that window? Just a second, here, let me look inside...HOLY (EXPLETIVE)! There is a squatter in the building!!! I'm getting the (expletive) out of here right now!"

"Stay on the line, sir!" the operator said.

"Can't talk, gotta drive--!" (Sound of a car motor roaring to life, tires)

I picked up the phone again. I was on hold. After a while somebody came on the line, but it wasn't 311. Close. It was 911.

I circled the block to keep the house under observation. If somebody was inside stealing copper, I wasn't going to let a slow police response time aid their escape. Relatively soon (but it never FEELS very quick) three police units came, including a dog.

They apprehended the squatter quickly, a black male in his early 20s, wearing a black hooded sweatshirt. I had spotted him inside. He heard me fool with the door and was looking out a first story window, but he was looking out the WRONG WINDOW. Otherwise he would have been looking me right in the face.

What a great adrenal rush I missed. Bummer.

I could overhear some things that were said as the house was searched for more squatters. For example, one of the police said loudly, "Be advised I'm sending in the dog!" But it was just the one guy who was inside. After a while, the cops actually took off his cuffs. I could hear him saying he had permission, somehow, to be in there. He wasn't a squatter. He wasn't a trespasser.

But even in my quick look through the window I had seen food wrappers and perhaps a candle in a glass bulb. Without utilities, without a rental license, apparently without water he was living inside that house on Dupont Avenue North. I heard one of the cops say he wasn't supposed to be in a boarded building, so what did he expect when somebody saw him?

While I sat there, a neighbor came by...a burly white guy with a full gray beard. He said drug dealing had been going on at the house constantly. But, he said, you call 911 and nothing ever seems to happen.

Well, things happened pretty satisfactorily while I was talking to 311. So that was kind of cool, having 311 transition to 911.

A day or two later when I was calling in about unsecured houses, I got an earful of warning from 311, all about being VERY CAREFUL because of people who might be in the houses, blah blah blah, could be dangerous people, etc.

I'm sure 311 is right. I'm sure they are bad people, etc.

And that's why I have to find the no-account squatters, the crack heads and crack whores, the copper thieves, the unsecured doors. Because they ARE dangerous people doing bad stuff, doing expensive damage, and they can't be allowed to have valuable buildings simply ceded to them by inaction, or things will get even WORSE.